A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
The best scales are made in the Czech Republic
They employ a system of Czechs and balances.
Why can't jedi use the Kelvin scale?
Because only a sith deals in absolutes
I was asked to scale a fish
sadly I didn't have any climbing equipment
What did the scale say to the person?
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Why are fish so easy to weigh
Because they come with there own scales
Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.
One for the intellectuals (and the kitchen-dwellers). Digital scales are so fragile.
I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
Have you heard the joke about the electronic scale?
To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale...
... You won’t get a weigh with this!
Kitchen scale
My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.
Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"
I said "Because, we were weighing his options."
My son needed a history tutor, so I handed him some cereal and a scale
“Time to learn about Chex and balances”
My wife said on a scale of 1 to 10, she rates me an 11
I was so happy but then she told me it was a pH scale because I’m basic as hell.
I kept asking my dad over and over what scales are used for
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
Did you see my new talking scale?
It has a weigh with words.
Models of dragons are not to scale
This morning I got on the scales to weigh myself...
my wife walked by and I sucked in my gut, she said "That won't help" I said "Yes it will, now I can see the numbers"
Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
What is the best temperature scale to use for the ocean?
Why did the alligator use the elevator?
Why are dogs so good at running in rough terrain?
Why should you eat your meals from a weighing scale?
So you can have a balanced diet.
The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.
And I thought to myself, well that’s a little condescending.
sorry it’s a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment
What side of a fish has the most scales?
I’ve been rating everyone’s bathroom on a scale from one to ten. I’ve gotta say...
I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they come with their own scales.
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
They come with their own scales
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
They come with their own scales.
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
I just showed my friend my model of Mount Everest.
"Is it to scale?" He asked.
"No," I replied. "It's to look at."
My wife told me that the bathroom scales were broken. I said...
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
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