I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
I broke up with a woman who loved her job at the suitcase factory.
I didn't want her emotional baggage.
Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...
I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son
My son made himself a banana sandwich.
Son: "This is what monkeys eat."
I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.
Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"
Son: "With a g'rilla."
I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.
What do you call a man with a pole in his leg?
Rodney.
Always wants to talk
"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me;
just the other night she called me from a hotel."
- Rodney Dangerfield
