I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims...

He's a mad keeler!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Someone broke into the hardware store and stole all hardened steel tools cutting ridges for forming or smoothing surfaces...

All the files were deleted.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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The T-Rex lumbered over the ridge and looked down at the numerous plant-eaters grazing in the lush, green valley. "This place is familiar," he said,

"I've eaten herbivore."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KyOatey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shaystibelman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Picture of my fiancee's knee cap.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jak0shadows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zokoro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Geology professor jokes

What happened to the mid ocean ridge in the back alley? It was basalted.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/flame_in_darkness
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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A dad joke from my dad on father's day

My family was on our way to a local Mexican restaurant and we were discussing a town called Park Ridge.

"well you know they call Park Ridge the Christmas town of Illinois, right?"

"why?"

"and a Park Ridge in a pear tree!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OhTheStatic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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