Out of all the melons, my favorite is the big green one which is all red inside and riddled with seeds.

What a melon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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Calvin and Hobbes was riddled with amazing dad jokes.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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Riddle me this:

Why do we have Batman shampoo but conditioner Gordon isn't a thing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegendMRT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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I need help solving a pun/riddle.

Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.

So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.

However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Hipster_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Riddle me this: What did Batman say to Robin right before they got into the Batmobile?

ROBIN, GET IN THE CAR!!

overheard on a boy scout outing (literally 50x).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajordancpa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?

Teapot

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Which animal has the biggest breasts

A zebra

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I need help with this riddle

Cant figure it out I do know it's a 2 word answer and it's a pun. The riddle is

Penguins blue, I love you. Penguins bare, sometimes wear. Please find what tops a penguins hair!

Hint: There only are a few of these. There are two words!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tea_baggins69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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What do you call a thug with a riddle?

Beats the heck out of me!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennettizen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Karen did that actually happen
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prabeshdai13
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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My Vietnamese driver told me several riddles yesterday, do you know what they were?

First off a six-parter

  1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
  2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
  3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
  4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
  5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
  6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patyboomba
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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What odd number is no longer odd when you remove a letter?

Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even.

Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago.

I’ve never been more proud.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/platypus_eyes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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Htub
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RYDOGE21_YT_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Riddle: How do you think the unthinkable?

With an I-th-berg.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poisondartfroglet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Turkey Riddles

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

A: The outside!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?

A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

A: The turKEY

(source: http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/turkey-riddles/)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Not my OC
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtga_n00b
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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An Impossible Riddle

Today my father asked me:

F: "Someone's mother.."

Me: "Oh no, please no" (In mind)

F (continues) : "... has four kids: west, south, and north. What is the name of the fourth kid? Tell me"

Me: "..." (Is he making fun of the riddle or himself)

F: "And let me tell you the answer is not EAST, haha"

Me: "..."

F: "It isn't easy eh?"

Me: "Kill me god, please just kill me. This is so painful"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razor54672
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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dizzy riddle

Q. When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? A. Because your feet aren't empty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhcicecream
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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A 4th of July riddle:

What’s the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.

Be safe this holiday and have a great weekend !!!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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My kid told me this one

How do you turn 6 into 9?

Take away the s!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What do you call a tree that can't figure out a riddle?

Stumped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmavacuum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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Color Pun Riddles

Q: What do you do if a piece of purple fruit gets stuck in the drain and clogs it?

A: Call the plumber.


Q: What do you do if you live in a purple house and the lights go out?

A: Go to the fuchsia box.


Q: What do you do with unruly green kids?

A: Make them do limeout.


Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?

A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.


(I've posted these on various places on the web outside of Reddit over the years under various screen names.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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do you know what a cut down tree says when you ask it a riddle

im stumped hahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepersFTW
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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What does Batman like in his drink?

Just ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siix0_beautiixo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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What do you call a riddle that is easy to crack?

A brittle.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterqub
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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What's the longest word in the English language?

"Smiles", because there's a mile between the first and last letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTcxic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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My stepdad's riddle from last night. Hint: It's a famous piano player.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sew5MittensAgo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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Here is my dads riddle. If there's 30 cows and 28 chicken, how many didn't?

10

My dad though this one was great. The pun really depends on the delivery and the fact that it works better when you speak it but I still felt like it needed to be here.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
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Armenian riddles are all basically dad jokes

"What is green, hanging on a wall and squealing?"

Answer: "A herring." Why is the herring green? "Well, it's my herring, I painted it as I pleased." But why is it hanging on the wall? "It's my herring, I can hang it anywhere I wish." But why is the herring squealing? "I added squealing to make it harder to solve my riddle."

http://talkreason.org/marperak/jokes/armenrad.htm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whythecynic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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My dad's go-to riddle.

A plane crashed directly on the border of USA and Canada.

Where were the survivors buried?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BackOfTheHearse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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The bartender says, β€œWe don’t serve time travelers here.”

Two men from the future walk into a bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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I was trying to tell my dad a riddle....

Me: "So you twelve balls..."

Dad: "No, I only have two."

Groans all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Watermellon53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerSTDs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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I tried to explain Reddit to my dad... He responded with this riddle:

Post and re-post were sitting on a fence. Post falls off, who's left?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demon1177
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Two friends, Jake and Joke, went camping

One evening Jake stole Joke’s bag and hid it just at the edge of a forest nearby. Next morning he told him what he had done and to be careful not to go far into the forest since it’s riddled with bears once you go into the deep forest part and you are sure to get eaten.

Since Joke didn’t return for a long period of time, Jake went looking for him. However, he couldn’t find his friend. Jake, feeling remorse, called the police and told them what had happened.

Unfortunately, the police were no help and the case started to gain traction with the media. Reporters from all the nearby villages wanted to be the one to crack the case and find Joke.

Jake slowly spiraled into despair, not knowing what happened, thinking he killed his friend and all he wanted was some answers, buying all the local newspapers every day hoping to read something new and gain some answers.

Day after day the event slowly slipped out of his mind as time went by with no new information whatsoever. Until one day, Jake decided to put this whole thing behind him and found a therapist to help him move on.

The therapy was a huge success, he completed all but one meetings and he had just one more to go. He arrived on time as always, but the therapist’s office was locked this time. Jake checked his mobile phone and he saw a message from his therapist that he’s gonna be a few minutes late and that he should sit down in the waiting room, relax, and wait for him.

Jake, as any reasonable person, sat down in the waiting room and started waiting. It was at this moment that his phone battery ran out and he became bored, very bored, so he picked up a random newspaper from the table in front of him and then he saw it, the headline he was waiting for for so long:

Joke gone too far.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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What are you happy to lose the first time, but devastated to lose a second time?

Teeth

Note: I know. Not the usual pun seen in this sub-reddit. More of a dad riddle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheeMainEvent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Bacon Tree

2 guys are walking through the desert completely starving. The first guy sees a bacon tree and takes off running towards it screaming, "We're saved, it's a bacon tree!" All the sudden he's under fire from all directions. He's completely riddled with bullets. The second guy catches up and kneels down beside him. With his last breath he says, "It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a hambush."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tetrapsy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed

Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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From an ask reddit thread imgur.com/MEZJ4R0
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pricers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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The number Seven is odd.

The only way to make it even is to kick its S.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
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What goes up the chimney down, but can’t go down the chimney up?

An umbrella.

From my 76 year old father-in-law... classic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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A cowboy rides into town on Friday. Stays three days and leaves on Friday. How did he do it?

The horse’s name is Friday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, β€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

β€œFather,” said Emily, β€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

β€œNo worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

β€œWhat is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, β€œIn order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered β€œlol get it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diezlk9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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A girl posted this with the title "Daddy's got jokes." Yes, yes he does.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralGBO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Digital clocks

The answer to the riddle β€˜What has two hands but no arms?’ Will eventually be lost in time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ottos_jacket
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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When my son didn't laugh at a fart joke during a trip to the Egyptian History Museum, I realized we had drifted apart.

Now we don't even have a toot in common.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sometimes_Lies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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