My blood test result said my blood type was type A

But it was a typo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...

Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.

Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.

Doctor: Actually, it's viral.

Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a letter from my doctor with my test results

Turns out I'm dyslexic and lacrosse intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Election results

Looks like a lot of people in Georgia will be laughing their Ossoff

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0n0j0y
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Which game was a result of a mind blowing idea?

Russian roulette

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.

He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.

πŸ‘︎ 868
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote to the Vice President to ask him to overturn the election results...

But that's just my own To Pence.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards

It was nail-biting

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 768
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Despite getting A-level results of A, B, B, A

it seems that no employer will take a chance on me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Trump say when he got his Covid results back?

I aced it!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election

All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What were Donald Trump’s COVID-19 test results?

Extremely positive. The most positive, in fact. Everybody’s talking about it. It’s yuuuge. Nobody’s seen anything like it. Sleepy joe never would’ve been able to pull this off.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylor5479
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Can I see the result of my eye test

Probably not

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourmomspetfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My cheap noble challenged the election results.

It was a discount viscount recount.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiftyMcShift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Bugs Bunny say when the doctor asked him how he should be contacted with his test results?

WhatsApp doc.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Reddit post that oxidizes sugar and results in a nutty brown flavour?

Karmalization.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Socraticfanboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.

He’s acting like a real Mitch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zkck0517
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Google is set to come out with a new browser that manages search results based solely on your DNA

Set to be called the Google Chromosome.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Negative

True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:

Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...

Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)

Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?

Patient: No

Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?

Patient: No

Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?

Patient (sometimes): Yes

Me: Do you know the results of the test?

Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative

Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)

Patient: It was negative

Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)

Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)

Me: Dad jokes have to happen... πŸ™‚

/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cidici
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The result of an art competition...

Is a draw.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewrmshin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
When my kids found that the fall term would be completely online, the result was instant drama and tears.

But now that we had a few drinks, we feel better.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Picky eater results in epic dad joke from my daughter...

My middle child, who loves rice, declined the yellow rice we offered him because apparently he only likes one type of rice.

Without missing a beat my daughter (11 y/o) exclaimed, "stop being rice-ist."

My job is done, clearly there is no more I can teach her.

πŸ‘︎ 692
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Nik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Theresa May is stepping down on June 7th. As a result, the last week of May is the first week of June.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDNL
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
We received your test results from the urologist...

Urine for a surprise!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsaSnap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was experimenting with the power grid of my house

The results were shocking

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was terrified by the results of my blood test

But my doctor just said B positive

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmlrmlchess
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Iowa Results Justin
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/douglasses2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 400
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the result of breeding two redhead bakers?

A GingerBreed

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr0u4ker
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We need to discuss your results sir. Please, have a seat.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a bunch of crows together and tried to teach them how to sing

But it just resulted in a cacawphony

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaeran
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll people were asked what they thought Γ· means

The result was divided.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Hospital told me my blood test results had been 'lost'

I knew I shouldn't have trusted Dr. Acula

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when it takes more than 24 hours to see any election results?

Electile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidSnake13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The butcher backed up into his meat grinder

And as a result, he got a little behind in his work.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You're fired, Jack. The test results came back, and you tested positive for Coke
πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Important lab results
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/withmoxie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Has anyone got the results from the Iowa...

Cau-chaos.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jinx99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My NAD test results came back

and it turns out I'm dyslexic

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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