Due to all the indoor fins.
Because they go “pew pew pew”.
But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better
Does anyone have peer reviewed studies on the effects of minute hand smoke?
Cold turkey
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
Word of mouth
They're leaving no tern unstoned.
Because actions speak louder than words.
Personally, I think it’s nuts.
He was a one-hilt wonder.
It's lyme disease.
he just has issues with claws and effects.
Our milk lasts the rest of this decade!
Are they known as a Nutty Professor?
because he was a bad conductor.
A heat-seeking hittle
I replied, "The Simpson's is a pretty wholesome and entertaining cartoon. If the side effects are worse, then they can't be that bad."
r/dayjawfood
Grandpa: Are you being safe with this Corona Virus issue?
Me: of coarse!
Grandpa: Very good, make sure you always have a mask on outside and carry a bunch of sand with you!
Me: I always have a mask on but why do I need sand?
Grandpa: You didn't hear about the sand? Its very effective! Wherever you suspect the virus is hiding, you grab a handful of sand and throw the sand at it to stone the virus to death!
I love my grandpa lol made me laugh
Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.
A Harmacist (harm assist)
PS:- Sorry I am not high today.
I immediately decided to give up reading
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
a waning gait.
I guess you'd say I'm cure-ious.
Thanks ladies and germs! Tip your servers!
It's great for missed erection!
Because they are cross hares.
So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.
Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.
Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".
Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.
In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.
It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!
...but I figure if I did, I'd be Asari.
It's knot that effective.
But I just couldn't get the message across.
Edit: I wish I knew more about networking so I could understand all these jokes.
They’ve left no tern un-stoned.
Go out in the woods and dig a large hole about 6 or 7 feet deep. Fill it with ashes and put peas around the outside of the it.
When a bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
Durum roll!
Then I started to learn more about it.
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
I’ve decided to quit reading.
Or if its only due to the gazebo-effect
Friend 1 : hey what are the effects of alziemer diesease
Friend 2 : sorry bro I cant remember
I call it:
THE A-TONE-MINT!!!!!
I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.
None of them seemed surprised
I remember A,B,C,D, and F but I misty
I guess you could say he has a Taipei personality.
Period, the end.
He always has his Jason.
Use a bat, it's much more effective.
They need their quarter back
It's pretty slick
If there's anything I'm terrible at, it's coming up with puns. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated!
So last night we were brushing our teeth before going to bed, and I ask her "You know why eating a clock is a bad idea?"
She looks at me funny, because she knows what's coming.
"Because it's very time consuming."
She just rolls her eyes, and goes to bed. But because the joke was in English, and English isn't our first language, I think she didn't quite get it.
A minute after she lies down, I hear a loud groan coming out of bed, followed by "that was really, really lame, honey!"
pill bugs?
nyow
Everyone wants to save a buck!
So he’s mostly known as a psychologist, self help Guru and “philosopher” but he also did some interesting work in Marine Biology.
One of the papers he worked on was on how the nuclear tests in the Bikini Atol effected Predator genetics.
The results learned that the nuclear tests during the cold war disrupted shark breeding so much that species were splitting apart.
They called it the Post Modern Neo Shark Schism.
Spoonerism: a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
But it didn't effect me
It didn't effect me
It didn't effect me
It didn't effect me
I think it's an effective form of pun-ishment
Hugh Jefferts has a lot to answer for.
Context: Our school was having a presentation at assembly from Together for Humanity - "a multi-faith not-for-profit organisation that is helping schools, organisations and communities to respond effectively to differences of culture and belief". The presenters were an orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist.
When they asked for questions at the end, my new hero asked "Have you ever gone to a bar together?"
This raises the question: Will Will Smith Smith?
http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz
Son...."Dad have you seen my Beats headphones"? Dad...."Beats me"! Son....eye rolling on his way out of my room. Wife..."Really"?
Me; "Not on porpoise"
He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.
Hi
Low
Out of all the random passersby, nobody's caught me yet.
He told me "Oh, that's just a cider-effect".
But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.
...of the indoor fins...
Due to all the indoor fins.
because of the indoor fins.
Due to all the indoor fins.
Personally, I think it’s nuts
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
