Neon was highly admired across the world, as he represented the elements with great honor.

.

He was truly a noble gas.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fox_Fleet60
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend, who's a mapmaker, said he had a way to represent an oblate spheroid in two dimensions.

I said "Dude, you're just projecting."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2021
🚨︎ report
During testing of a new version of Mars rover, a cat entered the test track and was run over. However, the cat was resuscitated when one staffer played a Benny Benassi hit track. A NASA representative has stated...

...that it was a pity that Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HJUOWPLBKV
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A representative from the neighborhood HOA stopped by seeking donations for the new community pool.

I gave him a cup of water.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Anheuser-Busch once sent representatives to gynecologist offices

to hand out anti-Blue Ribbon flyers as part of a Pabst smear campaign.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A man finds some copper and zinc

A man is out walking one day when he finds some copper and zinc, knowing these are used to make coins he takes them to the government to see what he can get.

There he sits down with a representative of the US mint and says I have here half a grain of copper and 30 grains of zinc, how many coins will that make?

The representative says to the man a single cent is one grain of copper and nearly 40 grains of zinc.

The man says excellent, then you take my half grain of copper and 30 grains of zinc and we shall split the money between us!

The representative looks at the man and then looks at his materials and says:
This doesn't make any cents!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceKapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2021
🚨︎ report
My dog can do math.

I asked him what 2 minus 2 is.

He said nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ally0912
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?

Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drigana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.

I’m expecting a long sentence

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepeggys
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What common chemical compound can be represented: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O

H2O

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ttocs77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know the letter β€œH” in marriage represents happiness?
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtoodeep
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of people represent bike shops?

Spokesmen.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives?

Because they offer koalaity service.

Credit where credit is do... my wife just said that out of nowhere.

I love her so much

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JophTheFreetrader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Lawyer Pup will proudly represent you pro bone-o.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reeal2g
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
There are 10 kinds of people.

Those that understand binary and those who dont.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deaderson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.

It would be called El Avocado Abogado.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a member for a royal court who you can hire for cheap to represent you in a rap-battle?

A dis-count.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeframecochrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
We hired a guy that was a Veterinarian as a sales representative...

he finally decided to take his career seriously and stopped monkeying around.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Clock tower maintenance workers are going on strike!

β€œIt’s about high time,” commented the union representative.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSdabeast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Intelligent
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite pun
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piediepiedie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A company with travelling salespeople had an accounting procedure...

There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:

"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad yesterday. I figured it was best represented by an enthusiastic stick figure. imgur.com/jOB7HeK
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatadaydanny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Why wasn't the pachyderm representative taken seriously at last year's animal convention?

Everyone else thought his opinions were irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillSmithsBoobs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
What represents drums?

A cymbal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Ladies and gentlemen, a classic pun right here
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nefariousmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I wonder why
πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
East Coast Represent!

Last night my wife and I were getting some of our things together in preparation for a vacation this weekend.

Wife: there's just too much to pack

Me: Yeah, it's not a Biggie

Wife:... shakes head sadly

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VanTil
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rayraegah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign Language

πŸ‘︎ 384
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a boy..

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said β€œI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said β€œNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad β€œYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked β€œwell, what is it?”

He said β€œDave Buttlicker”.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have discovered a new element in the periodic table.

The element will be represented by the letters AH. This is of course the element of surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unikorn9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Genie: I grant you three wishes

Me: I want a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, your three wishes are over

Me: I still have two left!

Genie: Sue me

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fool_of_atook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you have 16 copies of The Wizard of Oz?

The Wizard of Lb

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonnet155
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor yesterday. He said I have onomatopoeia. I asked him if it was bad.....

Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluebugs23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Vowels

The wife and I were discussing how well our son was doing with learning his vowels.

Me: I've heard him say A, E, and I, now he just needs to get O and U.

Wife: He's also saying Y, have you heard him say that yet?

Me: Sometimes.

πŸ‘︎ 934
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

πŸ‘︎ 915
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πŸ‘€︎ u/369damnurfine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Attention Punners

I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWESOMEDUDE0614
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Hi Hungry, it's Dad. I have an important update for you.

Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.

This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.

As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.

πŸ‘︎ 276
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parin89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
🚨︎ report
I once drew a Venn Diagram to explain my use of puns to my wife

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xahhfink6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report

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