Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.
Hormone replacement therapy synonyms
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
Why don't people like replacing the glass in windows?
I was worried someone replaced my kid with a clever robot...
I asked the barber to replace most of what the last barber did, make it three times longer, and give it three parts.
He said “oh, you want the Snyder Cut”.
I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store.
I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's room with Marijuana.
While replacing an electrical outlet, I accidentally stabbed myself with one of the wires.
And for a brief moment, I had a connection with the house.
I'm finally replacing my old wireless router...
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar and alarm clock....
Don't let it replace your family.
I replaced my steering wheel with a computer storage device
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
My lawyer advised me of a hernia mesh replacement lawsuit
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol
Its bird-gin-ing research.
During my hip-replacement surgery, I asked my surgeon if I could inject the anesthesia myself..
Surgeon: Yeah sure. Knock yourself out.
I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...
I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.
When cybernetics are I’m going to replace my penis with a revolver
I could finally say I have a magnum dong
My wife said we should get the siding replaced.
I said we should do the front since that's the part everyone actually sees.
I asked Carrie if she understands what the consequences would be if every "st" was replaced wit a "w"
I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Me: I replaced the handle on the toilet today!
Teenager: (Sarcastic) And aren't you proud of it?
Me: Flushed with success.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice
They were really sour about it
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He's finding it hard to deal with.
If You want to replace pet rodents, Which state should you go to?
Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
I wrote an article about replacing noisy light bulbs with quiet LED ones. I found a fitting title as well.
There's a vegan activist in my neighborhood; she's been replacing everyone's dairy milk with alternatives.
Today, I apologised to my family for replacing some words with their less appropriate synonyms..
My roofer surprised me and replaced my roof for free.
He said it was on the house.
I had to replace 3 flats on my car...
I had to replace my chain saw
The old one just wasn't cutting it anymore.
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
I hope they can A-Ford a replacement
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
& I am planning to replace the laptop
Our church just replaced our giant wood pulpit for a smaller metal pulpit that is equally heavy.
We are now a heavy metal church.
We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.
I hope I never lose my hearing.
It would be ear replaceable.
Are you the replacement teacher for my class today?
Punning replaced my old past-time.
I used to be a film photographer but learned it was a negative hobby.
One that lens itself to bad puns.
The kind that make you shutter.
I have proof.
This light in the bathroom at my office has been out for a year. Today it was finally replaced. One might say it was the “highlight” of my day
Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
"Cheer up, you could be a replacement stake in the ground for barbed wire to stretch upon," said one new joke to another.
"Yeah, I guess I could be a repost," said the other new joke.
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
“A cat” I said. “Cats love fish.
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.
I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store.
I'm finally replacing my old wireless router...
I went to my local tobacconist to discover that it has been replaced by a clothing store...
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