What do you call an angry psychologist?

A Thera-pissed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shercroft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I went to a child psychologist once.

He was absolutely rubbish, he was only seven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why do psychologists like newsagents?

Because they have the most issues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

Long time fan, first time poster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist

That kid didn’t help me at all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ventanaman
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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A psychologist is writing a paper on the ramifications of the unsocial attitude of the average person:

What does the mean mean mean?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Make_it_perfect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.

In short his practice is shrinking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What would you call a psychologist who doesn't do his taxes?

A Sigmund Fraud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJ23isgod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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My parents took me to a child psychologist once, but that was a complete disaster.

The kid was only six years old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Someone get that plunger a psychologist.

He has been dealing with a lot of shit lately and is trying to bring it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mongoose_rider
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cavanaughphoto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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I talked to my psychologist about my growing fears about death for an hour..

He said my time was up.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?

The shrink ray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimelapseChef
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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One of my family's most valued heirlooms is a night gown my great-great-grandma bought from a notable psychologist...

It's a Freudian slip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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"What seems to be the problem?" The Psychologist asked the Elephant Poacher

"Ivory too much" He said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinatoAristao
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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My psychologist told me I'm crazy so I asked for a 2nd opinion

He said, "Okay, you're ugly too ".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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I went to see a psychologist after I discovered cracks in the hearth of my fireplace.

I told him I was having a mantle breakdown.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notchase
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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A man walks into a psychologist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap around his waist.

The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billdanbury
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Being a child-psychologist is so rewarding,

You hear the most touching stories!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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What did the farmer talk about with his psychologist?

I’ve been trying to get my crush to notice me, but I can’t atractor attention.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emmastauntonn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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What did the Mexican psychologist say to his patient?

Wanna taco bout it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/richpanda64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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My psychologist claims my issues stem from egotism...

But then, why wouldn't they?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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What does a Psychologist Put on Before Going to Bed?

They put on their Piagets!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loldeezesquids
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Never trust a psychologist to do your taxes

He may commit tax freud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trappedcouchfarts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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A psychologist, a pterodactyl and a psychic all go to the toilet for a number 1.

No-one heard a thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfherin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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I told my psychologist I keep thinking I have grandkids.

She says I have allusions of Granda'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fux_Aches
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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I always knew there was something wrong with my mother in law's dog. I'm no psychologist, but...

It clearly has maltipoo personality disorder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cl350rg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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I really dislike that bovid psychologist down the road.

He really gets my goat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathangreer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
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Where do psychologists love to have lunch?

Kentucky Freud Chicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/migali
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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"To put the diagnosis in layman's terms, you have an attitude problem", the psychologist says

"No, I dont. You have."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fxfxfx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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For the psychologists

My mum accidently made a brilliant unintended joke earlier.

Me: I hope classical and operant conditioning comes up on paper 2

Mum: What's that again?

Me: well classical has Pavlov's case study, do you remember?

Mum: oh yeah that's ringing a bell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imuptoolate_013
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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What is a psychologist's favorite Bob Dylan Song?

Forever Jung

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeorgetownD
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2012
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Did you hear about the group of duck psychologists?

They were flocking quacks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangeBedfellows
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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What do you call an angry psychologist?

A therapissed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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When I was young my parents sent me to a child psychologist

That kid didn’t help at all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScavanger314
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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what did the psychologist say to the man who walked into his office in saran wrap?

I can clearly see your nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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A guy walks into a psychologists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap...

The psychologist says β€œI can clearly see your nuts”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sjwolf24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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