property owners gone festive!
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?
I donโt want a lot for Christmas.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Why Isnt Ejaculation Allowed On School Property
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︎ Nov 21 2020
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
My brother just made a really good investment on a property
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Whatโs the saying for when your protein powder gets spilled on your legal documents which divide all of your property after death?
Where thereโs a will, thereโs a whey.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Thereโs a reason why pilots donโt buy beachside property.
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︎ May 16 2020
Did you know it was against the law to let your long hair to cross over into someone else's property?
Yeah, that is called tress-passing.
(Especially when your neighbor stresses over your tresses.)
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︎ Mar 19 2020
You know what would be funny? A large group of people protesting, getting into fights with police and destroying property.
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︎ May 14 2020
My friend discovered and claimed 15 ore veins as his property...
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︎ May 15 2020
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
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︎ Sep 11 2019
What does the Property Brothersโ dog specialize in?
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︎ Mar 04 2020
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...
But I don't like to hedge my bets.
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︎ Feb 12 2020
Hugh Hefner kicked some monks off his property today
The monks were selling flowers in front of the playboy mention when they were kicked out. When asked about it, the monk replied โif it was anybody else we would have gotten away with it, but only Hugh can prevent florist friarsโ
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︎ Dec 22 2019
My bisexual friend owns two properties
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︎ Aug 04 2019
I have 2 part-time jobs. For one, I put sodas into aluminum containers. For the other, I document a person's desires regarding what happens to their property after death
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︎ Jan 21 2020
Vincent's property buying Uncle Donot Pass Gogh.
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︎ Feb 27 2019
I thought I'd show off a section of our remote property. It's just a click away.
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︎ May 13 2019
A cowboy counted 48 horses on his property, but when he rounded them up...
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︎ Oct 11 2019
My dad likes to sit in his front yard chasing kids off his property...
...Like some Lawn Enforcement Officer.
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Dad: I have a lot of blind deer on my property.
Son: Really? How do you know they're blind?
Dad: Well, I have no eyed deer.
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︎ Oct 21 2019
What do you call an alloy of Fe and Ni which doesn't have magnetic properties ? IRONICAL
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︎ Jul 22 2019
The thermodynamic properties of water is just amazing
Thatโs why ice is so cool
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︎ Aug 28 2019
What do you call beachfront property that is owned by a cow?
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︎ Mar 25 2019
I thought about getting a robot to mow our garden, but it is a huge property.
Iโm afraid that wonโt cut it.
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︎ Aug 09 2019
A man was in court against another man who had trespassed on his property while freshly laid asphalt was drying, leaving a footprint.
For some reason, the judge was in favor of the trespasser.
The man slammed his hand down on the table. โBut I have concrete proof!โ
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Is it okay to peek into your neighborโs house if you are still technically in your own property?
Personally Iโm on the fence.
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︎ Jan 17 2019
My depressed Italian buddy got into property development.
Now he's in a real estate.
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︎ Mar 27 2019
How do you call a spanish guy crossing your property?
Trespassito
^((i am so sorry, alexa play despacito))
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︎ Aug 24 2018
Scientists have discovered an element with chemical properties that can't be predicted.
They're calling it the element of surprise.
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︎ Jan 05 2019
I am become shovel, destroyer of public property
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︎ May 16 2018
Why is the English common law so concerned with property rights?
Because the English gentry insisted on proper tea rites every afternoon.
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︎ Mar 31 2018
I read that the Stonehenge stones have musical properties...
This gives a whole new meaning to rock music.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
I never really met my neighbors until they tried to sue me over the ownership of some property.
Turns out we had a lot in common...
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︎ Jun 22 2017
What does a Frenchman tell an egg that's trespassing on his property?
Get ลuf my yard.
Explanation:
ลuf if French for egg.
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︎ Jan 04 2017
My wife asked me what to do about renting a property to a couple who own a cat.
I shrugged and said, I dunno, urine charge...
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︎ Apr 25 2018
Do you know why I allowed a police station to be built on my property out in the Styx?
Cause I've got too much crime on my lands.
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︎ Mar 01 2018
How do pirates denote their intellectual properties?
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︎ Feb 25 2015
A friend has deer using her property as a breeding ground. Some people would be mad, but cut them some slack. After all...
...they're just trying to make a buck.
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︎ Apr 17 2017
My kids think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil...
Because all of their presents came from Amazon last year.
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︎ Dec 13 2016
Properties!
My dad is a trainer. In one of his training session, during introduction, a guy introduced himself and said, "I am in properties"(referring to his business).
Dad replied,"Wonderful! I am in properties as well."
"How", the guy asked.
Dad said, "What do you call a 1 BHK apartment? A property. Right?"
"I live in a 4 BHK."
The guy stood up and left the room.
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︎ Feb 13 2016
My dad "flipped the bird" to our business property landlord
Our cat at our small business killed a bird and left it in the floor. My dad grabbed it and tossed it out the front door onto the parking lot. I then asked him to toss it over the fence into our landlords unkempt field. The following text convo happened several hours later.
http://i.imgur.com/uOLsC46.jpg
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︎ May 25 2014
I built an electric tence around my property yesterday.
My neighbour is dead against it.
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︎ Sep 09 2019
I put an electric fence up on my property.
My neighbor is dead against it.
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︎ Sep 09 2019
What do you call bovine-owned beachfront property?
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︎ May 07 2019
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