Did you hear about the crossword experts that prevented a group of people from jumping off a bridge?
They got 6 Down and 3 Across.
The pandemic prevented people from traveling, but, luckily for all the logs with #wanderlust, COVID doesn't impact wood.
Lots of violence could have been prevented in the Old West.
If only the cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone else.
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked: “What else could the management provide — that might have prevented you from leaving?”
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye it's always an eyelash
My child was playing near the wall sockets and I was so scarred that they would electrocute themselves, that I did the only thing I could to prevent it from happening
Due to the First Amendment, Mario can’t prevent Bowser taking the Princess to the arctic
Bowser has a right to freeze Peach.
I asked an Eskimo how he prevents his home from falling apart.
He replied.....I gloo it together.
If the stork brings the baby, what's the bird that prevents it
My wife left her Crocs in front of the refrigerator, preventing me from opening it. When I asked why they were there...
She says, "it's a Croc Block."
How did they prevent MI6 from falling apart?
Using a certain bonding agent.
How do you prevent Covid at Christmas time?
What do pirates do to prevent burnout?
i'm asking people to sign this petition to help prevent untrained priests from selling Bouquets of Flowers
Because only you can prevent Florist Friars
I'm on a diet in which I wear thick, heavy gloves most of the day, which prevents me from eating.
It's called inter-mitten fasting.
We should all stop studying to prevent global warming
Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree
They say drinking one beer a day can prevent you from having a psychotic break, which is great...
...I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
WARNING - A joke without a punchline! Back in college, we were all in a bar and I'd been trying everything to prevent a girl I like from leaving. Finally she announced that despite my delaying tactics she REALLY had to leave. As she reached the door, in desperation I blurted out...
"A nun walks into a bar with 2 chimps - one's toilet-trained and the other one's Jewish..."
Unfortunately this only bought me the additional 15 seconds it took her to figure out that I'd just made it up and there was no punchline. Sounds like it would be funny if there really were one though...
A fawn was born without eyes so whenever he walked
he had no eye deer where he was going.
Why do people keep 2x4's in bed?
It feels really well made.
Help With Possible Legal Trouble/Lawsuit From Laundromat (Legal Advice)
Let me just start with some backstory. My wife and I recently had an electrical fire due to a short in our dryer wiring. Thankfully we were able to prevent significant damage to our home, but we no longer have a working washer or dryer. I work as an RN on a Medical-Surgical floor and only have three full uniforms. So we have to do a load of laundry at least once a week. In order to make sure I have sanitized uniforms, we have been doing weekly trips to our local coin operated laundromat (Gold’s Laundry). Last week, my wife took our laundry in and washed two loads. While the second load was in the washer, she said she could smell acrid smoke coming from the machine and it abruptly stopped working. Thankfully there was an attendant in the building, so my wife notified them of the issue. The attendant came over and asked her to empty the machine so he could look inside. When she pulled out the clothes, there was a small amount of change in the bottom of the basin. The attendant told my wife that the loose change had caused the issue and that we would be responsible for paying for repairs. My wife felt that it was highly unlikely that loose change could cause the issues and told this to the attendant. The attendant became argumentative and threatened to call the police. My wife told the attendant to go ahead and call them because he was being so aggressive and argumentative. Once the police arrived, they told my wife that she was indeed in the wrong and arrested her for money laundering.
Did you hear the new song by the English band The Prevention?
It’s called Vaccination Street.
DiCaprio asked Gigi to show some ID.
He thought she'd deny, but Gigi Had-ID.
Why did they give the scarecrow a promotion?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
A raccoon goes to his beaver friend after his house is washed away in a flood
The raccoon asks” what would you have done to prevent this?”
The beaver says: “ I’d damn it to Hell”
What do you call the preventative measures of keeping Ox safe when herding?
I really regret not taking that job as a heat stroke prevention specialist at the water park.
It was a mist opportunity.
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
Na na na na naaaah - I'm gloving it
what do Christmas trees eat when there breath is bad?
Did you hear about the new all-in-one dandruff shampoo, conditioner, soap, and athlete’s foot treatment?
It’s called…
Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes
The English Language is Weird.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.
Last year I attempted to prevent a bank robbery and was shot in the process
Luckily the bullet was deflected by the loose change in my breast pocket, you could say it was my life savings
People often ask me why I am willing to build barriers preventing the flow of water for anyone who asks...
I tell them it's because I give a dam.
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye it's always an eyelash
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye it's always an eyelash
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting in your eye but whenever I get something in my eye it's always an eyelash.
It's quite eyeronic how that happens.
If the stork is the burd that brings babies, what is the bird that prevents babies ?
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