Pregnantly Puns

Now I drink in spite of her.

(This is a true story - I’m gonna be eligible to make proper Dad jokes in here in September!)

So I said “Okayden”

Turns out it was just Toni Braxton Hicks

I said:" it is when you continue"

I said I only know the first couple of digits, but I'd be willing to fake it if that's what's going to moisten the clam.

Her: The baby’s moving Me: Can I have her address

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: "You had twins, a girl and a boy. They're both fine. And your brother named them for you."

Woman: "Oh my, not my brother! No! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?"

Doctor: "Denise."

Woman: "Oh, wow! That's a really pretty name. What about the boy?"

Doctor: deep sigh "Denephew.“

Because it has 2 horsepower.

If it's a boy, he should call him Danephew.

you can unscrew a lightbulb

But when I came home they were still there.

I tell them November 1st

They ask what year?

I say “Every year”

We both do a quick obligation laugh

I’ve done this 20x, always the same reaction

You can un-screw the light bulb.

when I was in her womb

Their sisters develop auntie-bodies

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

“Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

“Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

“Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

“Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

The condiment broke.

They're heavily calfinated

They're labour-kuchen. . . . . Am I ready?

She asks a women's forum about tips and any possible side effects, being quite worried as this is her first child, she's very late into being pregnant and etc. A couple of hours later she receives a reply, and, with shaking hands, starts to read it: "I had a friend who was in the exact same position as you, and she decided to get her tooth removed. All should have been fine, but, there was a side effect: when the baby was born, it had no teeth."

Because they are calfinated.

He had a hollo-weenie.

Everyone always forgets about Stretcho.

The water break...

Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.

Their husband's have a hollow-ween.

im 25 💀

The dadliest one wins.

Edit: wow, what a response. You got me with your dadliest puns. I'm pretty sure by February I'll be completely dad. I guess that's only funny if you know my wife is pregnant with her first.

A heavily pregnant woman walks into a bar in the middle of summer and orders a big glass of ice water. "Boy it's a scorcher out there," she says to the bartender. "Sometimes I wonder if it is too hot for the little guy in here." "Oh I wouldn't worry about it," the bartender replies. "It's probably just womb temperature."

because vampires can't come inside without an invitation.

Because pregnant horses have two horse power.

"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"

Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"

Son, did you just-

"Yes"

You're ready.

When I got to the checkout page it asked me if I wanted to leave a note for any substitute items in case they had sold out.

So made a point that they doughnut substitute any, as it was a matter of wife or death.

It was bigamy

You can unscrew a lightbulb

you can unscrew a lightbulb

"Hi pregnant, I'm Dad"

"No you're not"

You can unscrew the light bulb but not the woman.

You can unscrew a lightbulb

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

First thing, she asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Justine: No, no, no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Justine: Ohh, that’s actually not bad. What about the boy?

Doctor: [sighs deeply] Denephew.

Me: Hi preganant, I'm dad!

Wife: No you're not.

You can unscrew a light bulb.