Whatβs the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
I hear some of the goats are pregnant
But I think they're kidding.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What did the pregnant LGBTQ buffalo hope she was having?
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︎ Dec 30 2020
After trying for a week, the wife just told me, she's pregnant.
She has the worst stutter ever.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
How did the lipstick get pregnant?
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug?
It's having babies in the spring.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug??
Sheβs going to have her baby in the spring!
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︎ Oct 11 2020
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
What's the difference between "don't get pregnant" and "get pregnant"?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
So, in the Bible, Lot's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him, ultimately getting pregnant...
I bet Lot's wife was salty when she found out.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
What do pregnant women think in the shower?
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
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︎ May 27 2020
Wife: I'm pregnant and you're the father!
Me: Seriously!?
Wife: It's a prank! Happy April Fools!
Me: You mean you're not pregnant?
Wife: No, I mean you're not the father.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
My friend was pregnant and had the baby in car on her way to the hospital
her husband named him "Carson"
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Whatβs the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb
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︎ Jul 09 2020
My pregnant girlfriend was noticing and complimenting my figure after going to the gym and eating healthily for some time.
Me: so what youβre saying is... βdad assβ.
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︎ Jul 06 2020
A woman pregnant with twins was in the hospital with her brother as she went into labour.
She gave birth to a boy and a girl but the delivery was very intense and she went into coma for a few days. When she woke up the doctor told her about the twins and that as she was in coma for long, her brother named the kids. She said,"Oh God! Not my brother, he is a stupid idiot."
The doctor told her that he named the girl Denise and her mother said,"well that's not too bad, what about my son?"
The doctor replied the boy is named DeNephew.
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︎ May 12 2020
A pregnant co-worker walked into the office the other day. I took a look at her baby bump and said βitβs becoming apparent that youβre becoming a parentβ.
Stay safe everyone and try to keep smiling
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︎ Mar 26 2020
My pregnant wife just asked me if I think her tummy is going to get bigger for the next time she gets pregnant.
Me: "Of course it will get bigger"
Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"
Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"
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︎ Jun 13 2020
What did the pregnant mare say when she gave birth upon being dealt a royal flush?
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︎ Mar 22 2020
Why did the pregnant woman throw up at the funeral?
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︎ Jan 12 2020
My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside herβ¦
I said, βNah, itβs probably womb temperature.β
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Why did the blind pornstar get pregnant
She didnβt see it coming
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︎ Nov 10 2019
My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back...
A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorryβ¦I don't understand."
My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."
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︎ Apr 30 2017
Lawyer - Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?
Doctor - Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination.
Taken from an actual court hearing
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︎ Dec 08 2019
So my pregnant wife and I were out shopping for baby clothes the other day.
We were in the newborns size sections.
Wife: Oh, look at this cute newborn! Can we buy it?
Me: I thought you were going to give birth to it?
Wife: The outfit...?
Me: No, the baby.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
EDIT: An older gentleman spent the whole afternoon in the gas station telling dad jokes to every customer that walked through the door. This was mine.
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︎ Jun 17 2019
Three months ago my wife came out of the bathroom and said, βIβm pregnantβ
So I said, βHi pregnant, Iβm dad!β
(True story)
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︎ May 08 2019
My wife found out she's pregnant (pregante, pragnent, etc.) and graduated college at the same time!
She earned her MA degrees!
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︎ Nov 24 2019
*Wife pregnant* Nurse: "I'm gonna deliver the Baby"
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
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︎ Jan 20 2019
Did you hear about that Japanese foodie who got became transgender and now goes by Edward, but then got pregnant and had a baby and joined the baby bloggers?
His blog is called Ed - A Mommy.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
A wife finds out she's pregnant and wants to surprise her husband with the news...
"Honey, I'm pregnant!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"That's another way of saying it, I guess, yeah."
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︎ Mar 16 2018
Why werenβt any of the pregnant women hungry?
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︎ Apr 03 2019
Mom was pregnant and dad asked the time. She asked if she looked like a clock...
"Well, you're big and round and you've got two hands!" said my dad
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︎ May 26 2018
Did you hear about the pregnant joke?
She had a pun in the oven!!
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︎ May 19 2019
Do you know the proper title for a two dimensional woman when she is pregnant?
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︎ Jul 09 2019
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
you can unscrew a lightbulb
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︎ Jun 15 2020
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
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︎ May 12 2020
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
π︎ 8
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︎ May 20 2020
Whatβs the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb
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︎ Apr 05 2019
My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside herβ¦
I said, βNah, itβs probably womb temperature.β
π︎ 6k
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︎ Apr 12 2017
I went to visit my pregnant friend in the hospital and found a parking spot in the C section of the parking lot.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
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︎ Jun 22 2019
Whatβs the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew the lightbulb.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 07 2019
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