Potentiate Puns

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

But he was so badly executed.

...could be pro-limb-attic!

Landlord: Unfortunately, stairs don’t talk.

The cow was out standing in his field.

Petest Parkest

What a re-leaf!

They gave me another one, free of charge.

Because “U” have a lot of potential!

It instantly changes your blood type ...

They have a lot of untapped potential.

He immediately shouts: Don't do it! You have so much potential!

"Do you know the alphabet?"

"No, I'm a beta."

"OMeGa"

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at “The Café,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: “Parking now, be there in 5.”

“Dad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, “Dad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Café.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

“Hello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. “I can’t believe it’s been so long!”

“Yeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. “Too long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

You just wouldn’t have any potential

Lost, they’re lost.

I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation.

Because of this, my dad called me "sun."

He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”

It's a murder investigation.

Large hands

Bro: I know the best knock knock joke! you start it!

me: ...knock knock?

bro: who's there?

me: ......

he just kept staring at me with an excited look, then we both burst out laughing.

A rapscallion

It’s just reminding you of your potential.

The farmer says "Sir, I've lived hear near on 60 years and all that time no one has ever tried to steal a bucket of shit"

Went out grocery shopping and grabbed some thyme as I was planning to cook this soup I make that uses quite a bit of it. My girlfriend is helping me unload the groceries and notices the thyme, saying, "You know we still have a shaker of thyme right?"

I respond with a forlorn sigh and a wistful look into the distance, "Thyme sure flashes by..."

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the Fresh Prince.

I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.

But he didn't admit to anything. His lips were sealed. https://imgur.com/ogcyNTN

(My dad came up with this one on the fly when we visited Monterey when I was a kid).

She mentions she likes the idea of more acreage, but doesn't want a big yard we would have to maintain.

I mention that a big yard will mean more sun in an area, which opens the possibilities of building a bigger garden & greenhouse.

Then add: "it's food for thought."

I think I heard her eyes roll, yet she admitted it was a logical point.

She finished with some task and told me "I'm all done" and quickly added "but that's not my name"

We're at our local Macy's near where they display their watches, and my Dad always loves new ones every year.

One of the employees came up and asked my dad if he needed any help..

My dad replies: "No thank you, we're just watching."

Interviewee: "I have a an obtuse persona,"

Boss: "Oh, how so?"

Interviewee: "My back hunches forward, so I can't stand up straight"

I instantly "unprofessionally"chuckle

Son, you've got potential

A physicist sees a man about to jump off a building. He says, "Stop, you have so much potential!"