My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.

He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ‘€︎ u/ez-pz-lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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My wife gets flustered with me when I’m late.

I apologize and say I just can’t keep with the time it is literally non-stop

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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In the morning when my dad looks flustered I say: Are you rushing?

He replies: No im irish

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, β€œwhat gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. β€œWhat does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

β€œYou keep out of this! She yells, β€œI’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show


The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.


Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.



πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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The anticipation...

I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"

On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/HosstownRodriguez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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So there was this magician.....

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat. The crowd was silent... He pulled another rabbit out of his hat The crowd gave him nothing. Flustered, the magician pulled another rabbit out of his hat. This time the crowd went nuts!!!

Guess he finally got himself a hat-trick!

(A hat-trick is the achievement of a positive feat for the third consecutive time)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bang-a-lore
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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Not a joke say but a good prank my dad pulls.

Years ago my dad got his ring finger torn off, so now all he has is a little stub.

So now when he meets new people he puts ketchup on it and puts a Chinese finger trap on. He walks up to them and puts on a flustered face. When they tell him he needs to "push together" he replies with "don't be stupid that won't work!"

He then proceeds to yank his finger out.....that's my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ‘€︎ u/zeppelinofled
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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A Planetary Conversation:

"Hey Venus, you see that planet over there?" - Earth "Yeah, what about it?" - Venus "Do you think he likes to watch the sun rise and set like us? He's so far away..." - Earth "Well Maybe he needs to Neptune in with the rest of us." - Venus "Did you just make a planet pun...?" - Earth "Don't Saturn this around on me, I'm hot and flustered all the time" - Venus "I guess you could say your Mercury's rising...snickers" - Jupiter

"GOD DAMNIT" - Earth

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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I was checking out of my hotel this morning...

I was checking out of my hotel this morning, and the receptionist was getting flustered trying to find our account.

I told her it was okay, we have all year.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalidan_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Dad hit my family with this one at dinner

Dad sits down down at the table with his plate full of food and starts acting all flustered and stressed out. He lets out a sigh and makes note of how stressed he is with all his work that has to be done. He then smiles, looks at his plate full of chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes then says "there's just so much on my plate right now".

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/kewladria
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
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2nd Opinion

A woman goes to the hospital after a car accident. After a few x-rays a doctor sits down with her and says: "I'm sorry ma'am, it appears you have a broken arm."

Obviously flustered the woman exclaims: "I want a second opinion!"

The doctor thinks for a moment and then replies: "okay, you're ugly"

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevenaaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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