Where does a pool table keep its money?

In its pockets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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A German built a swimming pool around his table.

Bad um Tisch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treenaks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I backed out of a challenge I issued my friend to a game of pool on my incomplete table.

I realised I didn’t have the balls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Why are pool tables green?

You'd be green too if you had your balls shot around like that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabbitstew45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle it’s balls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrburns05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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I saw my friend Jacqueline standing next to a pool table. I asked her, β€œWhere is your cue?”

She said, β€œRight after the C.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyboth
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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Pool table.

Told my GF I'm going to a friends house to play pool. Hour or so of pool and socializing, I get a text.

GF: hey! How's your pool game going?

Me: swimmingly......

GF: -__-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalasanything
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What’s green, has four legs, and is deadly when it jumps on you?

A billiards table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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What is green and bad for your eye?

A pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaiser_Fiffi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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That one dad joke

What happens when u spill water on the table It becomes a pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaWarrior145
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive women waving at him

He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limsy37
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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My dad gave me some advice a few years ago...

He said, "Son, if you ever get into a fight in the pub, just take a ball from the pool table and put it in your sock."

Worst advice ever, I could hardly run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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Dadjoked at a pub last night, poor response.

I was in a busy pub with a pool table last night and someone was taking a shot thereby blocking off the passage around the table.

He was taking his sweet time with his shot so there were a few of us waiting to get past him, I turned to the girl behind me and said:

"Looks like we're standing in the Pool Queue."

She didn't laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxofrabbits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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Got my Nephew with the best Dad joke of my life

This was during Thanksgiving but I just remembered it the other day in the car. For Thanksgiving our family and in-laws all got a cabin in east TN. This cabin had a room with a pool table and in that room it had a door to the outside. Well my 12 year old nephew and I would go to play pool a lot and once time while we were down there I took my shoes off and they smelled terrible! So I decided to put them outside using the aforementioned door. Then the best set up of my life happened: My nephew said "Don't put them outside, the bears will eat them!"

Me: "No they wont, they might take them but they won't eat them"

Nephew: "why not?"

Me: "Because they have have bear feet"

My nephew just stared at me, and I sat there looking like suspense eel waiting for him to get it.. and he said "uncle fr0zen_yettiiii that was lame"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fr0zen_yetti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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Some stories I'd like to share.

I had been driving for a few years and had just moved off to college.

I was on my way back home to visit and it got dark during my drive. My headlights and radio worked but my dash lights were not coming on. When I got home I asked my dad about it and he said he'd go take a look. He went outside then comes back in the house just a few minutes later.

Me: "Did you find out what the problem is?"

Dad: "I think so."

Me: "Well, what was it?"

Dad: "I'll have to show you tomorrow, if I'm right then we're going to have fun working on your truck all morning."

We wait until morning, and dad wakes me up to go work on my truck. We go outside and he has me walk him through the entire problem again. Which lights were working and which were not, has me start the truck a few times and has me do the same troubleshooting I did the night before. I was getting frustrated and told him I tried absolutely everything.

Then he says "I think there's one thing you forgot." He points at a knob by the steering wheel. I looked at where he was pointing and it hit me. It's the damned the dash-light dimmer switch, and it was set to it's lowest (dimmest) position. When I looked back up at him he just had the biggest grin on his face. He then went into a full explanation on how this knob worked, knowing full well that I already knew what that knob did. Which, by the way, I'm sitting on the driver's seat and he's standing at the driver's side door. So I had no way to walk away from this embarrassing moment. All I could do was look down at the steering wheel and listen to him enjoying his joke.

Bonus story #1:

I'm in my 30s and one of my friends is a 74 year old guy that I play pool with. He always asks me what I've been up to, and one time I told him I met a girl.

He got excited and said "Do you have any pictures of her?" So I showed him a few pictures of us together.

Old man: "She's beautiful! She sounds like a keeper."

Then he leans in with a grin and says "Do you have any naked pictures of her?"

Me: "No way!"

Old man: "Do you want to see some?"

Bonus story #2:

That same old man was at our friend's wedding. He's sitting at the table with his wife and a bunch of other people. The conversation is about how they have been married for 50+ years. He says "I don't know how she's put up with me for this many years. But I've always told her that she can leave whenever she wants to, cause I'm comin' with her."

His wife explained that she has heard all of his jokes so

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JIGGLY_BALL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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My Dad this morning on his plans for the day...

Dad: "Oh can we go to the square whilst we're in town? They have the worlds biggest pool table on display!"

Me: "Oh, really?"

Dad:"Yeah! We'll need to leave early though - because there will be a big cue!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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Warning: musical pun

This Christmas, my dad, brother, and I went over to my grandfather's house to visit. My grandpa has a pool table, so we always play a couple games. Our teams were my dad and my brother against my grandpa and me. After his turn, my dad goes over to a piano in the corner of the room and starts playing Christmas tunes. His turn quickly comes up and he's still playing the festive tunes on the piano. My grandpa yells at him, "Hey! We're playing pool. Stop playing piano." My dad replies, "Fine! I'll play forte," and continued to play Jingle Bells, but very loudly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penislandbic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
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Got dad joked by my dad

I was explaining to my dad how I won a match in a pool tournament the night before...

I had to play against the best player in the house but he had hurt his back earlier that day so he couldn't even walk straight. He won the opening lag to earn the right to break. I jokingly asked him "are you sure you want to break with that back injury?" He broke anyways and didn't make anything. My teammate and I proceeded to run the whole table, including the eight ball, to win the game as underdogs. Afterward my teammate said to the pro, "Hey, didn't /u/DetroitLarry warn you not to break?" At which point my dad interrupts my story to say...

"Now that's just adding insult to injury!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DetroitLarry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A pool table!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaneKerman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?

A pool table!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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What’s green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree on to your head?

A pool table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What’s green and fuzzy and will kill you if it fell out of a tree

A pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hippity-hopp
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it fell out of a tree ?

A pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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What is green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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What’s green, fuzzy and when it falls down from trees can kill?

A pool table πŸ˜–

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelscarnfbi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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What's green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree onto you would kill you?

A pool table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryFlashman1927
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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What's green and fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you?

A pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crustine_the_weeb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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What is brown, green, and fuzzy on top and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandanmagicman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A Pool Table

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Football_Justin87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would hurt you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarke_CD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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What's green and fuzzy and'll hurt you if it falls out of a tree?

a pool table

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oromanko10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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What's green, fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out a tree?

A pool table

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3B3stSayori
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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What's green, fuzzy, and if it feel out of a tree onto you it would kill you?

a pool table

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elizaajanee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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