Periodic Table Pun
Why is the element Sb poor?
Because it is antimony.
The pun is basically about an element in the periodic table which is called antimony and whose symbol is Sb this is basically playing with words that Sb is anti-money and that's why it is poor.
Variations can be Sb is anti-capitalist. But anyways.
A little periodic table pun
A little tip: When you’re out eating with friends and they ask if you want salt or not,all you gotta say is ‘Yea’ or ‘Na’.
A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says
down under the periodic table.
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says “they are knot holes”.
Miss4 says “if they are not holes, what are they?”
Who built the round table for King Arthur?
Where does a pool table keep its money?
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
At the dinner table tonight
My wife cracks open an empty fortune cookie and asks, “What kind of fortune cookie doesn’t have a fortune??”
I chuckle between bites and say, “Call it a ... cookie.”
It really wasn’t funny but I haven’t laughed so hard in so long I ended up choking on my fried rice.
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
No matter how bad his career gets, why will you not see Rick Astley waiting tables?
Because he'll never run around and dessert you.
I'm applying coats of varnish to the table I'm making
My brother: Jeez, How many coats do you need? I'm sure the table is warm enough already!
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
A blind man walks into a bar
And then a table...
And then a chair...
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
My kids are asking for a ping pong table for Christmas this year, but I told them that isn’t an easy decision.
A lot of bouncing back and forth.
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. “Ouch!” I yelled
“YOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief.
“ME-ow”
Today I came across a note on my table signed by someone called Cayman-
I was pretty sure that he Cayman left
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What's the name of a knight of the round table?
Just ordered a 12” wide console table to go by our entryway door.
My daughter says it will be very soothing.
How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Put your hand in its pocket and tickle its balls.
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..
What kind of table is most likely to fall over?
An uns table. (Just made that up)
Do you know why table cloths are the work of the devil?
Because they are made of satin
Ba-dum-tssss
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said “Watch out...”
What do you call a table made out of vegetables?
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.
I hope you face time soon.
“Bro who’s periodic table is this?”
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux
How the tables have turned
How often does a chemist tell a joke about elements?
What's a pirate's favourite element in the periodic table?
Gold. Why would he like argon or carbon
My wife said she wanted a dining table ...
but for some reason she just rolled her eyes when I suggested this one
Wife: "Can you clear the table."
I had to get a running start, but I managed it.
Which knight invented the round table?
Who built King Arthur's round table?
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Who invented the round table?
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
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