But getting over it was a piece of cake.
I swear this is a true organic dad joke I had tonight. Felt I’d share it with reddit.
My kid came up to me and says “oh no, look dad, it needs a bandaid” as she gently presents her imaginarily injured bouncy ball.
I looked at my kid and said “I don’t think it needs a bandaid, he looks like he’s going to bounce back”
It’s a Minnie marathon.
"...mountains peak!"
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
On the other hand i am ok
He was half right
The person who points out the obvious
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."
They are cutting edge technology.
They’re pointless.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
Because they don't believe in a higher power.
It's needless.
The Rock bought ‘em
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
Purrfection
I think he was 0K
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
He said "Nope, just counting the seats".
But it was too draining
They haven't done anything
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
It was sure groundbreaking!
Unnecessary Marx and Engels.
They're just pointless.
It’s all bullshit
He was half right
The Rock bought ‘em.
