My priest prescribed a circuit of crunches, flutter kicks, bicycles, and plank holds for the guilt I confessed about neglecting my stomach muscles during workouts.

I finally received my abs solution.

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📅︎ May 12 2021
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As a kid I was forced to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

👍︎ 14
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📅︎ May 02 2021
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I thought about dressing up as a plank of wood for halloween

I changed my mind because i would get board quickly.

👍︎ 23
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👤︎ u/Uglyoldbob
📅︎ Oct 23 2020
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My daughter got two-by-four plank ear adornments.

Is this a new trend, girls getting studs in their ears?

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Nov 10 2020
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Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?

Because they washup on shore.

👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Jun 10 2020
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What does a log do once he gets to the gym

He starts planking

👍︎ 38
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📅︎ Apr 12 2021
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While redoing the hardwood my wife thought it would be a good idea to toss me a plank. It hit me in the head.

I was floored.

👍︎ 33
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📅︎ Feb 02 2020
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I think planks are absolutely hot

(Science joke)

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ May 06 2020
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A knot in a plank of wood imgur.com/4OARPYD
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👤︎ u/avapoet
📅︎ Mar 06 2017
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Why did the chair break when a plank fell on it?

It had no lumber support

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Sep 25 2019
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Why was the pine forced to walk the plank?

Because he was guilty of tree-ason.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/Pdonkey
📅︎ Mar 18 2019
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Why did the pirate make his prisoner walk the plank?

He didn’t have a dog.

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Jan 09 2019
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What do you call wooden planks arranged in a circle?

Board meeting

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Dec 27 2017
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Its so hard to get pirates to walk the plank

They never want to get on board

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/PaxPaw
📅︎ Jan 27 2018
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What is a tiny plank of wood with nothing to do?

A little bored

👍︎ 46
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👤︎ u/wer190
📅︎ Jun 30 2017
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Why did the plank go to the movies?

Because it was board.

Why did the skateboard go to the movies? Because it was wheely board.

👍︎ 35
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📅︎ Mar 23 2017
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I didn't realise that putting planks of wood in a noose was a capital crime in Italy until an Italian saw me doing it...

and pointed and shouted "That's a hanging offense"

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/BeardFM
📅︎ Jul 25 2016
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I told my son to walk the plank...

...because we can't afford a dog...

👍︎ 13
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📅︎ Jun 23 2017
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What kind of exercise do lazy people do ?

Diddly-squats

👍︎ 51
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📅︎ Jun 06 2020
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20 lashes
👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Jun 21 2019
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What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?

Rustle!

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/bigpapastu
📅︎ Jun 28 2020
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At first I was afraid....
👍︎ 41
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📅︎ Jul 22 2019
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh.

👍︎ 745
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📅︎ Mar 10 2016
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Pirate jokes

When we were younger we had to walk the plank.

My parents were too poor to afford a dog.

👍︎ 36
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👤︎ u/HoOdeh_
📅︎ Aug 13 2019
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What exercise do sea creatures do a lot of ?

The do Plank-tons

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/sameowra1
📅︎ Oct 17 2019
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What did the whale find on the sunken logging ship?

A plank-ton

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/pikkl_rikk
📅︎ Nov 29 2019
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What is a pirate's favorite exercise?

Planks.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Sep 17 2019
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Looking for beer-related pirate puns

I work at a beer brewery where we give tours. We can dress up tomorrow and I’m a pirate. What are so beer-related pirate puns? I’m at the end of my plank here.

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👤︎ u/OMCburner
📅︎ Oct 26 2018
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My old job at the carpenters

I was working for a carpenter as work experience. He just got me to move planks from one pile to another

and woodn't you know it but I got pt having enough pretty board of not having actual qualitree experience.

I ended up getting so frustrated that I insulted him till I ran out of insults and was stumped. That's the story of how I decided to leaf being a builder behind me and branch out into new careers.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/Ruminino
📅︎ Jun 17 2019
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What is a pirates favorite exercise

plank

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Jun 11 2019
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It's already summer! If I want to turn my dad bod into a sexy pirate bod...

...I better start doing planks.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Jun 08 2019
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How do trees stay in shape?

They do planks

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Jan 30 2019
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Padres of the Caribbean

Dad and I are leaving Home Depot and cross paths with a gentleman carrying some 2x4s over his shoulder through the crosswalk. He stops the car and turns to me with, "Looks like he's... walking the plank." Dad literally cant drive the car because he's doubled over the steering wheel crying. All I can do is meet the stares of fellow shoppers with the deadpan face of one who has just been dad-joked. I will become him one day.

👍︎ 169
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👤︎ u/ColdSoup74
📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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My dad always used to pull this one.

Me - "Dad, I'm bored" Dad - "Well at least your not plank"

👍︎ 36
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👤︎ u/madDMT
📅︎ Feb 25 2015
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Does anyone remember that trend where people would lie face down in random places? I want to sketch someone doing that, but I can't remember what it was called.

I'm drawing a plank.

👍︎ 43
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👤︎ u/MSeltz
📅︎ May 10 2015
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Embarrassed my wife out in public again.

So my wife and I went to Great Floors looking for tile and generally getting an idea of what we want to finish our basement bathroom and family room with.

The saleswoman points us to this vinyl plank stuff I've never seen before that you just lay down with no glue or anything that is somehow completely waterproof and lifetime guaranteed and all that jazz. She shows us how you need to use a plunger to pry them back up once they are all tight together.

Me. "Wow, I never would have thought this could work.... I'm floored."

In the ensuing groan fest the saleswoman claims to have never heard that one before, I jested that she sounded knowledgeable for someone who obviously hasn't been working in the business very long.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Jul 18 2016
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A new spin on an old classic

We are remodeling the bathroom due to mold, and long story short Nicholas wasn't allowed in his room. While in the front room he moaned as loudly as he could "I'm booooooooooooooreeeeed"; I picked up the nearest 2x4, stuck it out the door and said "Hi board, I'm plank".

I got two chuckles from the contracter and my stepdad, and an "ungh" from Nicholas.

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👤︎ u/d_wootang
📅︎ Jul 12 2014
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4th of July Dad Joke

We had bought some snake fireworks for my two year old to look at. Our driveway was wet from all of the rain we were getting. We found a piece of wood to lay down so the fireworks didn't get wet. That's when I said "Look! It's snakes on a plank!"

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/Kmo78
📅︎ Jul 05 2016
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When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

👍︎ 52
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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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As a kid I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

👍︎ 32
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📅︎ Sep 10 2020
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When I was younger, I used to walk the plank

We couldn't afford a dog

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/Tinnber
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
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Why did the pirate walk the plank?

Because he couldn't afford a dog.

👍︎ 40
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📅︎ Oct 10 2019
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"When I was a kid, my parents used to make me walk the plank!"

"We couldn't afford a dog."

👍︎ 21
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📅︎ Nov 17 2018
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When I was a kid I was made to walk the plank...

We couldn’t afford a dog.

👍︎ 18
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📅︎ Jan 10 2019
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