Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.
Always proud to be an organ donor.
Man had the courage to come into my office and ask what the bucket, the rope, and the pipes were for...
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.
Sucking the shit outta the pipe
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
My son wanted to become a plumber
However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.
My dad recently started his job at the sewage plant, and already busted a pipe and caused a flood.
His boss found out, and now he’s in deep shit.
I went to dinner with a cannibal family I know. The conversation was flowing. Their daughter suddenly piped up “Mummy I don’t like Nanny”. The mother replied...
“Well leave her on the side and just eat your vegetables”.
I had a terrible dream the other night that I was a tail pipe... I could barely sleep.
Speaking to a friend: "My mother once told me, 'if you want to go further on your journey, you have to take that next step, no matter how daunting'." My friend piped up, "Don't you mean farther?" To which I replied:
"No, I'm fairly certain it was my mother."
Credit to B.C. (comic strip), most likely paraphrased since I read it many a moon ago, though I'm fairly certain the punchline is very close to the original.
I once tried to blow up a car
Burnt my lips on the exhaust pipe
Using exactly 12" of duct tape to fix a leaking pipe is a Stop-Gap Measure
Duct tape used for everything, including puns
Fixing tail pipes is exhausting work
Need help figuring out a pun
My work uses punny names for all its example scenarios. Things like Dustin Dubree, Dora Jarr, Duane Pipes, etc.
One of them is David Jochim and no one in my class of 7 can figure this out.
So it’s either not a pun, or we’re dense.
I didn’t know what to think walking into the kitchen last night to find my wife draped in lasagna and pouring piping hot soup over her head. “I’m just putting the dinner on”, she quipped. How we laughed on the way to the burns unit.
Last night I dreamt that I was a muffler
Quick as a flash my dad
Me: “Hey mom what’s puree ?
(Before she even takes a breath my dad pipes up)
Dad: “That’s a Canadian”
A plumber couldn't get two pipes to fit together...
So he checked the plumbing thread.
Amazing fact: right now, there's a basin with a drain pipe and faucet waiting outside your front door.
Went to visit my brother in the city and noticed he had cute little statues in his garden that lit up and moved around with the music he had piped out there.
He said they were metro gnomes.
Cop: Sit on that chair,so we can interrogate you.
Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything.
Me : This isn't a chair.
I have fantasised about installing irrigation my whole life
But it's just a pipe dream
What do you call a fantasy about plumbers?
I had the world’s best showerthought but it got washed down the drain. Now it’s just a pipe dream.
I told my son he's grounded
He was touching a copper water pipe and I'm an electrician.
My dad's clever dismissal of one of my pipe dreams
Me: "Hey dad, I think I would like to teach abroad one day. What do you think?"
Dad: "Why? We got a broad right here!"
[Points at my mother]
Dad: "She's got a lot to learn too."
That gif with the guy throwing a cigarette into a pipe sure is blowing up
https://gfycat.com/AstonishingSeparateIberianmidwifetoad
I was going to grow my own tabacco for smoking, but I don't have enough land.
I guess it's just a pipe dream.
You can't trust old sewer pipes....
I wanted to be a skateboarder
They said it was just a half-pipe dream
What do you call someone who gives a large pipe instrument to a church?
Did you know mythological creatures have their own dentist's office?
It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actually someone else's turn; the Kraken, or the Minotaur, or the Chupacabra. Eventually it seemed to get on the Satyr's nerves, because he yelled over "pipe down, Mike, we're all sick of you needing to be the Centaur of attention!"
What do plumbers experience in their sleep?
How do plumbers get out of fights?
At one time, I had a strongly desired goal of owning a plumbing supply company...
I guess it was just a pipe dream.
Texted dad to let him know that I picked up the pipe elbow needed for the pool.
Me: I think I have your elbow.
Dad: I thought I felt someone grab me.
Proud dad moment
My eldest and youngest boys (8 & 3) came in to mine and my wife's bedroom his morning to say good morning.
My eldest says that he's hungry at which point, before I could say anything, my 3 yo pipes up.
"Hi hungry, I'm Zachy!".
So proud...
Had ambitions to become a plumber...
...but heard it would be too draining 👨🔧
What did the farmer say to the plumber when he commented on the size of his pipe?
"I'm a grower, not a shower."
People who make glass pipes have a tough job
They're always blowing it.
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