Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
...unlike the rest of the people in the car who probably died screaming, βIrene! Irene! Wake up! Wake Up!!
I Am Grout
Larry replies, βGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Heβs fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Iβm done, poof! The light goes off.β
βWow, thatβs incredible,β the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larryβs wife.
βBonnie,β he says, βLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Iβm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when heβs done, poof, the light goes off?β
βOh sweet Jesusβ, exclaims Bonnie. βHeβs peeing in the refrigerator again!β
So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
Me: Well, itβs ......a long story.
Shorts
But it was a false Salaam.
... he was zen-ophobic!
They like to beat the crowds.
It can't help itself- its dipolar.
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
I said yes. The others were all nines and tens.
If it were up to me, youβd be a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize.
For his dedication to world hominy
The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.
"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"
The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
You will be mist.
They signed a peace tweety
As are many people these days, I am at home with my kids all day long.
Kid: I asked you a question!
Me: I didn't hear you.
Kid: Three times, too!
Me: Six.
No punch line
I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.
I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.
If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.
I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.
I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.
I failed math so many times at school ... I canβt even count.
Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear
When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!
There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't
They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
And not screaming like the passengers in his car
Not screaming like everyone else in the car.
Not screaming in terror, like his passengers
Not screaming and yelling like the other people in the car with him.
Not panicking, like his passengers.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
So i took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
Because of his dedication to world hominy.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
