"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
"woof" guy replies
Bear says “oh these? I was born with em.”
Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
and he did so on our dog’s paws
I remembered a good Dad joke moment.
My wife and I had picked up our daughter and two of her friends. They were in the back of our minivan.
My wife inquired about one of the kids mothers that she was friends with since we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved because of work to another town.
I guess the job was going well and they were making a good deal of money. The kid said, "She doing good, but she's spending a lot of money. She remodeled the kitchen and bought 4K TVs."
They kept chatting lightly and when there was a lull in conversation, I quietly said, "That's a lot of TVs." Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not loud enough to really demand anyone listen.
But then it happened. An uncomfortable pause - the fabled pregnant pause - and they started talking again. No one said anything about it but I knew it landed.
After we dropped the kids off, the first thing my daughter said, "That was SO bad. "
This was at LEAST 10 minutes after I said it. She had been thinking about that joke the whole time. She said the other kids were like looking around like WTF?
”
The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
...but my lycanthropy gives me pause.
That means he would like to continue with it.
So I’m watching a movie with my dad and he asks me to pause it and as he walks out of the room he goes “roof roof dog pause”
That's why you gotta de-pause it.
The bartender asked "why the big pause"
The bear replies "I was born with them"
Minnow pause?
A very skilled attorney interviews for a job at a prestigious firm. The managing partner looks over his resume and exclaims with glee, “Oh my goodness! You’re so experienced! You’re hired, and you can name your salary!”
The interviewee paused for a moment and said “Thank you. I’d like to call mine Dennis.”
Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.
"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."
"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."
The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
Dad: "Hey I heard UPS and UFC were going to make a deal and let some UPS workers fight soon."
Me: "Uhhh... what? That makes no sense."
Dad: "No it does. I mean... the UPS guys are already professional boxers. It's only logical."
I said, no it's impausible
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
A stoppie
This just happened...we get home from doing some Xmas shopping at a certain sporting goods store and my teenage daughter says...
"DAD! Where is your Dick's bag?"
I say "That's inappropriate" .... She looks at me curious like WTH are you talking about
I then say "We call it a condom."
She... pauses for a moment ... then "oh... MY GOD!"... and hysterical "I can't believe you just said that" type laughing ensues
I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends
One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of its clause!
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
"If they haven't yet, its probably because Amazon shipping has been delayed." I said.
As she was laughing, I shrugged. "I thought that was a good one. I just came to me," I paused, "Probably because I have Prime."
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
”
The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
That means he would like to keep going with it.
”
The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"
”
The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them”
I paused for a second while I thought and said, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
He orders a large coke......... and a rum. The Bartender says, “hey, why the big pause”. The bear says “I don’t know, I was born with them”
