My recently passed dads favourite vegan joke.
If I ever became vegan it would be a huge missedsteak.
Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel
You can only use a low ha
I passed my forklift test today. I did very well.
My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.
I was walking home from work, talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me where I was. I said I passed a garden full of gnomes. He said he knew the one I was talking about.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
Did you hear about the law they just passed in Hawaii prohibiting loud laughter?
Your laughter must be kept to a low "Ha".
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.
So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.
I've just passed my horticultural exam.
Now I have lettuce after my name.
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
The man who invented auto correct has passed away...
A mom joke really, as my wife said it as we walked passed an Easter service letting out where "Sunday finest" isn't a thing.
Me: "Really?! She wore ripped jeans to an Easter mass?"
Wife: "Those are her holy jeans."
Sad news. The man who invented predictive text has passed away.
I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad
He don’t come around here no more
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
The creator of Mad Libs passed away
His friends described him as a round and pulpy man who loved his wife and penguins. He will be deeply pooped.
My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish
It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
My friend with a lisp passed away.
My friend recently passed
So I asked him where he was going
The other day my wife asked me for her lipstick and I accidentally passed her a gluestick.
She still isn't talking to me.
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.
Dad: How many dead people are in there?
Me: I have no idea
Dad: Hopefully all of them are.
Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
The inventor of the throat lozenge passed away!
There’s no cough-in at his funeral.
I passed a guy giving away watches on the street.
He must have a lot of free time on his hands.
If Dracula passed gas
It would be a Nosferatoot.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
I was passed by a truck full of donkeys on my way home
It was really hauling ass
What's a dad joke that passed away?
While driving the car, an ambulance passed us at high speed, sirens blaring.
I said to my wife:
"Can't see them selling much ice cream at this speed."
Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
I was pulling my trailer over a steep hill and just as I started going downhill the trailer passed me and crashed at the bottom of the hill.
I guess it went down without a hitch
What did the other veggies say to the tomato after they passed him in a race?
“Looks like you need to ketchup”
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee...
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were fighting once when Draco decided to curse Harry with a Hair Growing Spell that grows hair instantly. Ron passed by and said:
I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.
That has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
Due to noise complaints, they passed a law in Hawaii that you’re no longer allowed to laugh above a certain decibel...
Now you can only use a low ha
Did you know in the 1950’s Hawaii passed a law that people were not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel due to too many noise complaints?
Now you can only do a-low-ha
Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, “The streets seem strangely desserted…”
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
I passed my forklift test today. I did very well.
My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
The guy who invented auto-correct passed away today.
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