Today was my son's fourth birthday party. I didn't recognize him at first.
I'd never seen him be four.
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︎ Jun 04 2022
what did the Indian chip say to the melted cheese at the dance party?
Letβs Nacho!
nacho= dance in Hindi!
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︎ Jun 16 2022
In the Middle Ages, most blacksmiths would not only forge weapons, but also sell them directly from their own βsmithyβ shops instead of using a third-party merchant.
Classic example of he who smelt it dealt it.
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︎ Jul 01 2022
I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs βWHATβS GOINβ ON?β
Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
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︎ Mar 20 2022
Which term defines the lack of urge to vote for any political party or candidate in an election?
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︎ May 27 2022
After the Boston tea party did everyone know thatβ¦
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︎ Jul 03 2022
While prepping for our daughters bday party, my wife said the bouncy castles are twice the price of last year
Well, i told her, thats inflation for you
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︎ Jun 27 2022
I recently moved into an igloo and my friends threw me a housewarming partyβ¦
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︎ Jun 25 2022
I was at a party, and everyone was allowed one piece of cake.
After everybody went up, there was somebody who took an extra that was on the table. I've seen many thieves in my life, but this one takes the cake.
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︎ Jun 18 2022
A fish went to a party
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︎ Jul 04 2022
Eugene Levy & his wife invited me to a non-alcoholic party
Drove my Chevy to the Levys but the Levys were dry.
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︎ Jun 03 2022
Ain't no party like a root veggie party
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︎ May 25 2022
Barack Obama shows up at a Halloween party giving his wife a piggyback. He declares he has come as a snail.
He says "well you see I am a snail" and pointing to his wife he says "and this is Michelle"
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︎ Jun 16 2022
What did the cannibal get when he was late to the dinner party?
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︎ Mar 22 2022
Hired out a bouncy house for my Son's birthday party. It surprised me how expensive it was.
Probably due to the cost of inflation.
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︎ Jun 23 2022
I got the wrong ice cream for my kids birthday party.
I guess I just have Breyers remorse
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︎ Jun 06 2022
Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?
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︎ Jun 26 2022
What is the essence of capitalistic tea parties?
Private proper tea βοΈ
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︎ Jun 29 2022
How does NASA throw a party?
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︎ Jun 28 2022
What do construction workers do at parties?
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︎ Jun 05 2022
how does NASA plan a party?
They planet!
From my 10yo nephew!
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︎ May 21 2022
Daughter told me this one... Why did the girl bring toilet paper to the party?
Because she was a party pooper.
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︎ May 30 2022
You know what was crazy about the Boston tea party?
It was one of the most expensive protests. Tea was so valuable and they threw away so much. Of course, there was no money back guerre-and-tea
[Credit to my friend Claire]
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︎ Jun 30 2022
What do you call it when zombies have a party?
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︎ Jul 04 2022
The founding fathers always attend a 4th of July party with musicβ¦
They go to the independance.
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︎ Jul 04 2022
I have a joke about Chinese Communist Party
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︎ May 18 2022
Chance the Rapper said he was going to donate pizza parties to local schools, but backed out last minute...
All we are saying, is give pizza Chance!
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︎ Jun 16 2022
A husband and wife are going to a costume partyβ¦
But could not figure out what to wear to the party. After a while the wife gets mad, runs to the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a lemon between her legs.
The husband sees this, runs into the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a potato hanging from his privates.
The wife gives him a weird look and the husband says, βIf you are going as a sourpuss, Iβm going as a dictator!β
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︎ Jun 21 2022
My 3 year old is a very private individual who was hungry and grumpy after her birthday party
Turns out she did not accept any Third-party Cookies
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︎ Jun 17 2022
What does ravioli play at their birthday party?
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︎ Jul 04 2022
i once got kicked out of a party from a bunch of mushrooms
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︎ Jun 24 2022
We had an online party
So I brought cookies, but no one accepted them
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︎ Jun 15 2022
Bryce forgot to hire a costume for the party. When he got to the door he threw his wife over his shoulder
The hostess answers the door and say, "hello Bruce, what are you dressed as?"
He says, "I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle".
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︎ May 30 2022
Where does Sir Lancelot go to party?
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︎ Mar 07 2022
How do you throw a party in outer space?
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︎ Jun 15 2022
A co-worker sat on my lap at a work party the other night. I stood up, letting them fall to the floor. ''Sorry, but I am Claustrophobic''
''And lap-sitting reminds me too much of the big man in red.''
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︎ Jun 23 2022
My friend at the cemetery: "My son died crashing the car while sneaking out to go to a party"
Me: "I can see why you grounded him"
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︎ Jun 15 2022
Darth Vader once showed up to Luke Skywalkerβs birthday party uninvited.
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︎ Jun 13 2022
What dessert do they serve at ghost parties?
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︎ Apr 04 2022
Told my son to help us get ready for the party celebrating 70 years of the Queen's reign...
He looked me dead in the eye, smiled and said "Oh god Dad, jubilee-ve in all that monarchy rubbish?"
Got to say, I'm proud
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︎ May 26 2022
When I moved into my igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party
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︎ Feb 21 2022
Why did the mushroom go to the party
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︎ May 27 2022
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