Nice and dead behind the eyes for my own pun
πŸ‘︎ 947
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilyallday
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Reddit making its own puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsparker89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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[Serious] Thank you /r/dadjokes community!

Throwaway since I could be identified if someone tried hard enough.

My father is currently partaking in a long and grueling pilgrimage of over 300 miles on the Notre Dame Trail. The organizers suggested family members write letters to encourage and motivate the pilgrims.

I have chosen to borrow some amazing content from /r/dadjokes to text to my father on a daily basis. He loves to make bad jokes and is often seen laughing at his own puns. He said he tells the jokes to the group every day when they've finished walking and they always get a chuckle from the crowd.

So sincerely, thank you and keep up the good work!

My mother has also joined him for the final 3 days so if anyone has some good, clean mom related dad jokes, feel free to share them with me!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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My best puns!
  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

  1. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CORALGRIMES357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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The definition for chortle, when googled, is the definition of a dadjoke.

"he chortled at his own pun."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Best piece of clothing I own!
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My bike won't stand on it's own.

It's two tired.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karl_oskar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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If there's one thing I own that's remarkable

It's a whiteboard

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said: "Sure, knock yourself out!"

πŸ‘︎ 665
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Even though I'm an avid duck and goose hunter, I don't own any calls.

My wife doesn't want me using fowl language.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.

Just need help getting it off the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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What do you call a Man who owns a delorian?

Mandalorian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Sana_ULLaH
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I’m just here mining my own business...
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Since the start of the Covid outbreak I own the quietest bar in the land....

Bar none.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Grow your own
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zagmut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I adopted a dog that was owned by a blacksmith.

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perigeesus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Do you know what car someone who loves rhythmical music should own ?

A Honda Beat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBeat25
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...

coughy filters

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...

She has a nice piece of asp!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?

By sheer will.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.

They were caws for concern.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eruditeredditor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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There was a post about a teen holding his own heart in his hands after a heart transplant, I thought these comments belonged here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireNationed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Some people relieve their sexual urge by taking matters into their own hands.
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I was punned by my own brain
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen-of-meme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?

Aunt Teak.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EM_CEE_PEEPANTS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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U/JBJorr said this in a comment but I thought it deserved its own post β€œ I pulled a small prank on the elevator

But it escalated quickly

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcham28
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I've never had an eggs benedict at a restaurant as good as the one I can make in my own kitchen.

There's no place like home for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laimbrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I developed my own fragrance today,

Nobody in the car liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mporlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Today I have opened my very own pizza restaurant.

I will be rolling in dough in no time.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-NightAnimal-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.

I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.

β€œExcuse me,” I said, β€œI couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”

They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, β€œIt’s Wales!”

β€œNo offense intended,” I replied. β€œPlease allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schoonerw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Haha made me laugh at my own meme
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I have never owned or used a telescope in my life.

It’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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What do you call dad’s that have kids that have their own kids

A punzi scheme

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I have always wanted to own a pure bread horse

https://preview.redd.it/x7eqsufaq1x51.jpg?width=599&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=39fe9d67d655ff805ff8d98bf7b0a79d12d1b7c0

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qirim17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 80k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

πŸ‘︎ 797
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yankee9Niner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.

Happy Hanukkah dadjokes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaspm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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For this year’s Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.

Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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If I ever own a mare, Im naming her

Nadine

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quenoquesoporque
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: β€œSure, knock yourself out!”

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gavelhead
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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