Quit Putin him down!
Instead of John, Paul, George, and Ringo, they would be Jean-Paul, George, and Ringo
Corporeal punishment.
They are neigh sayers.
I don't know how they sleep at night.
Covids go viral
she said, pointing to the bird sitting on a trellis. 'As opposed to the Your-a-poopin kind'
Because they use crossboos!
Bc they're opposable
That took a lot of balls.
The Islander, is being replaced, with something more politically correct but as yet undecided. My spouse, having recently returned from a nature cruise, suggested “The Manatees,” and that the mascot color should be pink. I responded that it should of course be MULTI-colored, so that opposing fans upon losing, would cry out,
“Oh, the hued manatees!”
They're very handy.
He's a real neighsayer.
You can call me an anti-faxer.
It's called John Legend Dairy.
But then I had a change of heart!!
But it's really grown on me
They were Auntie-theticals
I was circumcised, and I wasn't able to walk for an entire year!
It weighed won ton.
They now use them for wool
I’ve really been opposed to beards in the past because I don’t like how they look. But because of laziness, I now have a beard. And to be honest, it’s really grown on me
You: I don't box. How about a quick round of poker?
A house brick.
Because my thumbs are opposable.
My boyfriend and I had just pulled a pizza out of the oven, and he asked me how many pieces he should cut it into. Grinning and smooth as can be, I laid this blonde joke on him (I am naturally medium blond) "Oh, cut it into 6, I could never eat 8!" The look of WTF was priceless!
He finds them opposable.
I'm doing a poster on Electron Absorption Spectroscopy, where we measure the absorption of 4 Dyes, and I need a title. My old title was "Dye Another Day" but I decided to make the poster paint themed as opposed to James Bond themed and if possible I'd like a title that reflects that. Thanks!
Because the thumbs always oppose.
Quick little blurb I wrote in class: “To pee, or not to pee, that is the question. Whether ‘tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention. Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it. To go-to pee, No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that urine is heir to: ‘tis a consummation devoutly to be piss’d. “
‘No, just leave it in the carton!’
I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"
That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.
You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.
As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.
I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.
So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.
However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.
What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.
Conversation between bf and his cousin:
Bf: So, what's new with you?
Cousin: I wish I had something cool to say to that, like, I built an aircraft with my bear hands! I never have anything cool like that...
Bf: Understandable! How could you have built an aircraft without opposable thumbs?
Moment of silence. Moment of laughter. Queue interesting conversation.
Opposed?
And he says: "New TRON? As opposed to the pro TRON?" ^(neutron / proton )
My wife’s gone to the Caribbean.
Oh, Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.
He does it mainly with other dads. Who all seem to be in on it and ALWAYS ask "Jamaica"as opposed to another Caribbean island! It's like a world wide conspiracy.
silence
"All who oppose say Nay"
"Horse county has been without a leader for…"
An original from my dad's Facebook:
Y'know, back in the day, if you said "stable genius," you'd be talking 'bout Mr. Ed. Of course, back then, you'd be talking 'bout an entire horse, as opposed to the rear half that currently resides in the Oval Office.
