It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Eet's a gouda show!
The Joy Division song was in turn named after a novel by J. G. Ballard. This makes 'The Atrocity Exhibition' the book the song the album is named after is named after.
It's called the Fresh Prints of Bel Air.
...they must have received a Cézanne desist
Remains to be seen
Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".
Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".
Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".
Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".
Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".
Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".
Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".
Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!
He was exhibiting bad brie-havior
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
Two bee fair, it was alright.
it was apparent they couldn’t find the otters, when I walked up and said “there must be either one or three of them in there.” Wife says “why not two?” I reply, “well, they wouldn’t put an even number of ODDERS in there!”
Wife is still shaking her head.
She really loved the moosaics.
Edit: moosaics instead of mosaics
I want me Mummy!
I came up with this lame joke myself, not sure if it counts as a dad joke... but most dad jokes are lame, and it's a lame joke, so... yeah!
I wish he wouldn’t be so hippo-critical
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
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They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.
It was panda-monium.
I guess you could say that tea wrecks.
It was a shih tzu.
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away!
It’s fastenating really.
They just weren't worth a dam.
"They must cost a lot of Monet!"
It was a shih tzu.
It's a hippopotamust
12 year old son: "Did you know Venus is the hottest planet in the solar system?"
Me: "Did you know Venus is the only planet whose name rhymes with 'penis'?"
The best part was my wife and kids trying to stifle their embarrassed laughter around the museum visitors. :)
Next week the museum I work at begins a three-week run of what we call Bubblefest. There will be bubbles everywhere, a bubble laser show, all kinds of exhibits and interactive shows explaining some of the science involved with bubbles. So I need some jokes and puns to replace the old standby of "my pop is bigger than your pop!"
It wasn’t very impressive. They had a bunch of exhibits but they were all basically empty and the only animal I found in the place was a dog. I think it was a shitzu
We were at an exhibition, and there was an Army Ambulance with a practice dummy on a trolley hanging out the back. He turned to me and said
.
.
.
Look, Plastic Surgery!
My grandfather was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.
For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.
When he died a couple of years ago, he bequeathed them to me in his will. When my grandmother handed me the bag full of them, my eyes welled with tears and I smiled thinking about my grandfather looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.
Why am I telling you all of this back story? Because the last time I tried to tell this to someone and I didn't give context, they thought it was weird that I was so excited about inheriting my dead grandfather's hen tie collection.
It was a thorough exhibition of the jean-ealogy.
We went with our 2 boys. Leaving the alligator exhibit, she said to our older son, "Say, 'Bye, alligators!'"
... At which I loudly huffed and vehemently pointed out the missed opportunity.
"I mean, 'see ya later, alligators!'"
It's a shih tzu
While he was looking at the otter exhibit I walked up and said "well here's one but where's the otter one?"
