Dad joked someone so hard they actually walked away from me today..

Executive Assistant comes over. Says, "oh, no! You don't have a Halloween costume! We should make you something here,"

I panicked a bit and looked around the office, thinking what could make an impromptu costume: pens...tape...notepads...books...books!

I turned to her and said, "well, I could tape a book to my face and be Facebook." She stopped a beat, patted my arm, and walked away.

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📅︎ Oct 31 2014
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Got one from my dentist today.

I was sitting in her office and noticed she had a "It's 5 O'clock somewhere" sign hanging up over the mirror. I told her I liked her sign.

She replied "who doesn't? I'm a Capricorn."

the assistant and I both hung our heads.

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📅︎ Apr 14 2015
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