Ironic.
I hear they enjoy the probe-iotics.
It’s a hole food diet.
It’s called Mal-Nutrition
We were finishing dinner as my 2 year old ate some white rice. We are always trying to work nutritional foods into his diet.
My wife: "Think he'd eat brown rice?"
Me: "No. He's a rice-ist."
He died from meow-nutrition.
A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club
Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
I think I've got Mal-nutrition.
A customer came in trying to carry their wallet, phone, keys, etc in one hand, manages to drop them all. I helpfully chime in;
"Well, they say nutrition is a balancing act"
My family was discussing the pros and cons of flavoured water nutritional value
[Mom]: So what is sodium?
[Bro]: Its a salt.
[Dad]: No, that's when a bad guy beats up an old lady.
stunned silence as me and Dad roar with laughter.
Took mom and bro 5 mins to get the joke.... I'm on this thread too much.
