We however, will always remember him as a trail blazer that was ahead of his time.
Otherwise they'd be known as Therewolves.
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
Because they were always Stalin
... Because they always get behind in their work
Mormon-ey More Problems
My friend said that’s Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
Newspapers report Artie Chokes three for a dollar!
Because they’re newbies.
A meltdown.
His racket earring
You won’t believe his story!
The Notorious T.R.I.G
He was a terrible leader, but he made a great ruler.
Al Caprovolone
Because they're in-credible
Gimme the lute
The current owners let me take a look inside. No biggie.
I posted yesterday about how my 8 y/o son used a knock knock joke to melt my heart and turn me into a bowl of mush. Only, he was playing the long game …. And had a new joke waiting for me this morning.
Yesterday’s joke (when I was expecting interrupting cow):
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Good.
Good who?
Good morning, I love you.
…. ….
Today’s joke (when I was expecting yesterday’s again):
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Good.
Good who?
Good Lord, you smell!
….
….
Thanks son, I’m glad you exist but you’re ruthless.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡Arr, M'atey!
Pablo Espressobar.
Mine CETME on fire
He's kicked the Beckett.
When asked who he thinks will give up the location stolen goods, he replys “Only Time will tell”
Patrick Debateman.
That's ok. No biggie.
The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.
After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said “Look sheriff we are all too tired, why don’t you guys rest up here and I’ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I can’t find us some grub?, I’ll be back by morning”
The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.
The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says “where the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!”
Deputy says “well you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god there’s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!”
“Bullshit!” Says the sheriff “you stay here I’m going to check this out!”
So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.
The next morning the deputy see’s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.
Deputy says to the sheriff “ Boss what the hell happened!”
The sheriff looks up from the ground and says “BACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasn’t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!”
They kept responding to me yelling BOOOOO
I really wanna follow in his footsteps
That of a notary
- Salt
- Tequila
- Matches
- A pebble.
You put down the salt, the Tequila, a match and the pebble. The mosquito lands at the salt thinking it is sugar. After eating some it will get thirsty and will drink some Tequila thinking it is water. Mosquitos being notorious lightweights will stumble drunkenly over the match falling over and hitting its head against the pebble dying instantly.
Hard labor in the renal colony.
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
They thought it was no Biggie.
Investigators are calling this case a knick knack patty whack!
When asked why he did it, he said, "They have a lot of dough".
Police officers responded to praise for their arrest, "We always want to rise to the occasion. It's the yeast we can do".
.....otherwise, they'd be known as Therewolves.
Otherwise they'd be known as Therewolves.
Try out this almost joke that my 8 year old used on me this morning …
Knock Knock.
Whose there?
Good.
Good who?
Good Morning, I love you.
……
……
He caught me off guard and turned me into a puddle.
Feel free to try it out on your unsuspecting loved ones. They’ll never see it coming from someone who is usually full of the jokes.
I said, "He must be bloody good, I don't have a son."
Love means nothing to them.
My husband is notorious for cheesy dad jokes, it’s how he won me over. I’m not pregnant yet, but I am a planner. I want to tell him we’re expecting with a punchline of a dad joke and I even got him his very own ‘Dad Joke Book’.
What would be a good joke let him know the good news? I want to be able to get him like he’s gotten me over the past few years.
