Nonstop Puns

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

He can talk the talk, but can he guac the guac?

So I told him to stop being ricest

Good morning good morning good morning! Everytime the song would restart the complaining from me and my brothers would be drowned out by the laughter of my Dad.

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.

I told her I can’t keep up with time it’s nonstop

My cousin walked up on my front porch. Walked up by the door. Then turned around and walked away.

My little brother: What if they planted a bomb? Dad: It wouldn't grow. This was followed with 10 minutes of nonstop laughter. Just from him and my mother.

And apparently, it's true:

http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/18/luxury/flying-cars-aeromobil/

So my daughter has been talking nonstop about them and how she wants me to get one.

I told her I don't think they'll ever take off.

She kept talking...I guess my joke went over her head...

My dad has a prepaid cellphone and my mother asked to borrow it. My dad hands the phone over to my mom and says "Be careful, checking the time wastes minutes." cue nonstop laughter

She's been working nonstop on her dissertation for a few weeks now and is pretty exhausted. Came home from the library at 11:30/12 last night, and as she settled down to do more work:

"Right. Time to start working in earnest."

"Who's Ernest, and why are you working in him?"

she was not impressed

My brother and I were watching this movie called Nonstop. For those who don't know, it's about Liam Neeson and he has to stop killings on a plane every twenty minutes.

So there's a scene where the plane depressurizes and I leaned toward my brother and whispered, "You know, if I was in that situation, I'd be under a lot of pressure too".

Yesterday I was watching T.V. with my family when a commercial for the new Honda Fit came on. If you've never seen it, the basic gist is, people ask the main man "Will (blank) fit in?" Two minotaurs come on screen and ask and here's what happened:

Mom: I really doubt a Minotaur would fit.

Dad: Maybe they're Mini-taurs.

Groans were had by all.

For the second one I was texting a friend and she said:

Her: I think I have a problem. I've ate ham almost nonstop since that party. Now I'm really sad it's almost gone. I might be addicted.

Me: I guess you'll have to quit cold ham.