It's half empty.
I tell them that I am short-sighted.
https://i.imgur.com/c5MhLLH.jpg
^joke
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip
to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on
time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful,
and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their
owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican,
a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the
Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to
step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
scroll down.....
He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"
True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:
Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, letβs see if you studied for the test...
Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)
Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?
Patient: No
Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?
Patient: No
Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?
Patient (sometimes): Yes
Me: Do you know the results of the test?
Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative
Me: You donβt know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)
Patient: It was negative
Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)
Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)
Me: Dad jokes have to happen... π
/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh
Iβm keeping my ion U
Itβs half empty
Because they canβt sΓ.
Heβll stop at NOTHING to avoid them!
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
Double negatives are a real no-no.
turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever!
He said, βI know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...β
Itβs revolting.
I remembered the car seat, the stroller, and the diaper bag, but all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
Felt like posting something positive today
At least that's what the sighentists say.
Heβd stop at nothing to stay away from them
2020:stay away from positive people
it was a PELI-CAN'T!
This isn't a dad joke--I really want to no.
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
I keep telling them that it's in my blood, be negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
Too bad it was my IQ test.
A pepsimist
It will take some time to get the full picture.
He's been charged with battery
Aβ¦B positive
He was charged with battery
Itβs currently half empty.
it's currently half empty
Itβs currently half empty...
I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Iβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Turns out it was just saturday night fever
(Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
I will stop at nothing to avoid going into negative numbers.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
Hell stop at nothing to avoid them
