So, my dad asked me to name a country with no r in it.
I said noway
ETA: I don't understand why there are so many comments just naming a country :) are you the whoosh, or am I!?
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︎ May 25 2023
My wife always has bad mood swings right when we cross into another country.
She must have borderline personality disorder.
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︎ May 26 2023
My grandad was driving cross country to visit me in the Windy City
But halfway through Indiana he saw a sign that said Chicago Left, so he turned around and went back.
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︎ May 08 2023
I was ready to die for my country.
But it turns out I misheard my doctor when he said that I had "patriotic" cancer
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︎ May 04 2023
I painted my country stringed instrument orange...
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︎ May 03 2023
My friend said heβs been to every East European country
I told him to stop Prague-ing.
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︎ Feb 07 2023
In my opinion, the United States has by far the best flag πΊπΈ of any country.
I'd give it a rating of 50 stars.
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︎ May 09 2022
My polish friend said he was craving food from his home country
My response: "thats your pierogi-tive"
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︎ Dec 23 2022
Warned my son today we were out in Bear country or as it is better known....
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︎ Mar 26 2022
I will never consider Ireland as my home country
The real estate prices are just to high.
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︎ Sep 06 2022
Gleefully made up by my 9 year old son: What is a bra's favourite country?
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︎ Jun 28 2021
My friend in the country couldnβt afford his water bill...
So I sent him a βGet Well Soon!β card.
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︎ Jul 07 2020
My friend looked at a rainbow flag and asked "What country is that?"
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︎ Dec 24 2021
My friend constantly forgets which South American country the βChrist the Redeemerβ statue is inβ¦
I must have told him a Brazilian times.
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︎ Mar 04 2022
With my mates, we decided to start our own, new country. It will be heavily centered around beer production and drinking.
It will be the first dem-hop-cracy.
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︎ Apr 09 2022
I was watching skiers at the Winter Olympics crashing out in the downhill event with my son and asked him if he knew which country had the most dependable athletes.
Finland, because they always Finnish.
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︎ Feb 11 2022
I was making country puns DENMARK, one of my friends, all of SWEDEN started RUSSIAN into my talk , Mark yelled, βUGANDA be kidding me what are you GHANA do with these puns?β IRAN out of patience and said KENYA please shutup and be KUWAIT. ?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 17 2021
Iβve reached a level of Dad where I donβt even have to say anything to annoy my family with my dad jokes: Iβm driving with my wife and kids in the country. We see a sign that says βSoft Shouldersββ¦.
Without saying a word I squeeze my wifeβs arm.
She rolls her eyes and says βI knew you were going to make a soft shoulder joke - youβre so predictableβ
I said βWell, I wasnβt going to say anything but you have lost a bit of definitionβ¦.β
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︎ Oct 04 2021
I just raced my neighbour to destroy copies of an album that has the best song from every country on the globe
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 24 2021
As one of the biggest fruit farmers in the country, I owe all of my success to my dear dad. I grew up as a kid who was scared of everything, and my dad always told me to
π︎ 6
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︎ May 21 2021
So in my country there is an app that helps navigate through cemeteries
That will help to avert many grave mistakes
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︎ Aug 08 2020
From My grandma: whatβs the slipperiest country?
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 07 2021
My friend got a job with a trucking company hauling beehives cross country.
Guess that makes him a U.S. bee driver.
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︎ Aug 26 2020
My daughter said she can spell every country in Africa.
π︎ 24
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︎ Nov 11 2020
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 29 2020
I just got my girlfriend with this: βYou heard about that country named after Becky Stan?β
Her: βWhoβs Becky Stan? π€¨
... Ohhh πβ
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 04 2020
I asked my North Korean friend how things were in his country currently.
He said they couldn't complain.
π︎ 63
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︎ Jan 26 2018
I was taking my kids trick or treating along a dark country road, on a moonless Halloween night, when all of a sudden, a vampire swooped down from the darkness and landed right in front of us!
My daughter shrieked,"Quick dad, show him your cross!"
Without a second thought, I shouted, "YOU LEAVE US ALONE YOU BIG MEAN OLD VAMPIRE!!"
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︎ Oct 31 2017
My dad bought a pet rodent from an oceanic country
It was papa's new guinea.
π︎ 158
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︎ Sep 09 2016
I recently moved in with my rich dad to his house on the French country side. Iβm afraid Iβll never be as successful as him and buy my own place.
I guess Iβll always live in my fathers chateau.
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︎ Oct 28 2019
My country really gets it
https://preview.redd.it/x57ry663jtk11.png?width=285&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=d9c35408b1dad518ca3e251e6b713ad0bcc92980
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 07 2018
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 17 2020
My cross country coach never shows up to practice.
It's turned into kind of a running joke.
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 23 2017
My date asked, "Do you have family in another country?"
"Yes," I replied, "unless they're in the ocean."
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 24 2020
My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
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︎ Mar 04 2018
My niece, currently living in another country, asked: Can you vote when you are abroad?
Me: You can now that women got the vote.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 17 2019
[Request] Need a pun about my country
I need a pun with the word "Algeria or algerian" in it if possible thanks in advance
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 22 2016
My Russian friend was telling me how he thinks people have a negative view of his Country.
I just thought βOh, Crimea riverβ.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 24 2019
My Australian friend and I were playing chess while talking about which European country we should travel to
π︎ 7
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︎ May 04 2019
So, we're driving cross country on the way to my brother's wedding...
And we were getting close to a rest area so I asked the kids in the backseat "do you need to use the bathroom? Speak now or forever hold your pee!"
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︎ Dec 28 2017
My wife asked me if I wanted to go to a Middle Eastern country that borders Saudi Arabia.
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︎ May 22 2019
A typical "school" joke in my country, when a teacher was checking the attendance in the class:
"Who's not here, please raise your hand."
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︎ Oct 25 2019
Driving along a country road with my daughter today...
When we had to overtake a horse. I did what your supposed to, slowed right down and gave them a wide berth. As we passed, my daughter noted that she didn't even smile or wave thanks at us. So I said, "Yeah, look at her on her high horse"
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 21 2019
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