I'll come up with a cure for muteness before you can say...anything.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Someone recently asked how being mute was going for me.

Can't complain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emination_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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What do you call Minecraft on Mute?

Mimecraft

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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First rule of β€œMute Club”

Nobody talks about β€œMute Club”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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A person who cannot see is known as blind, a person who cannot speak is known as mute. So, what do you call a person who cannot hear?

Anything you want to call them, they cannot hear.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Yesterday, I found out I was mute!

I can't tell you how angry this makes me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children

They didn’t even say β€œThank you”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Why does Sean Connery watch Two and a Half Men on mute?

Because Charlie should be sheen and not heard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HallLAD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Did you hear about the blind carpenter?

He picked up the hammer and saw.

(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimplisticAnswer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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My mute wife keeps talking in her sleep.

Damn near poked my eye out last night!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.

"I'll never talk."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VNPimpinella
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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My cousin is mute and likes to communicate via embroidery

I guess it's a version of sign language, sew to speak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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What did the mute man say to the bartender?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noggawot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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like my mute mother always says...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iisowo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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If a mute kid swears.

Does his mother wash his hands with soap?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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Mute jokes?

So I’m a partial mute, and have been for nearly six years now, and try to cope with this through humour, so give me some of your best mute jokes!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisLittleMischief
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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What did the mute baker say?

Muffin!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewnanners
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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There was a mute kid in my restaurant

Nothing to brag but when the food came he was speechless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ironfort9
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

He picked up a wheel and spoke πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__MrJ__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Nothing says 'I'm a mute'...

Quite like...well, nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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How does a mute horse communicate?

Morse

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apugoneappu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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A wise mute man once said..

Nothing at all.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butta2x
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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Why did the mute mans wife leave him?

They had communication troubles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokey_quoll
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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I'm so pissed off I can barely see straight! I had an argument with this fucking mute and you know what he said to me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeshaper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.

The friend says "hey, is he yours?"

The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."

His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"

"No. I think he speaks porch geese."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Do you want to know what I think of mute people?

It goes without saying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moladan123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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Dad and I were watching the movie Mute when we get to the sex scene...

He looked at me and this is what he said:

"He's just trying to make an Amish woman out of her"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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What do you call an Italian with no arms?

Mute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What did the mute film critic say to the blind guy?
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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Your phone has no volume?

Trade it for my PokΓ©monβ€”it's mute, too!

>!(Mewtwo)!<

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pholidotes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What makes a serial killer mime happy?

Mute-elation

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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First post here, i think i could've made it better, tell me what you think.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocars
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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My husband (who is a dad) dad joked me over text message for the first time today.

Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|

Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jenovadark00
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insect born without a mouth?

A mute ant.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacquarianTaco1
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Prepare for Radiation Poisoning

Question: Why don't radioactive animals talk?

Answer: Because they're mute-ated!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Ars3nic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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I’m sorry didn’t mean to push your buttons.

I was just looking for Mute.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluto-Blutarsky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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The other day my knee left without saying a word

It was a mute knee

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TI86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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My wife was madly tapping at her phone, looks up in frustration, and says "My sound isn't working".

To which I reply "I can hear you just fine".

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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What do you get when you build an ant farm with sound proof glass?

Mute ants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartacats
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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Some times it just gets so noisy and hectic I wish I could turn it all off

But it's a mute point

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avelertimetr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Arrr, it's a muteny!

A customer walks into a television shop and witnesses the shopkeeper trapped in a circle of tvs. All the customer can hear is the man whimpering and exclaiming, "I'm sorry, Im sorry; I won't sell any more of you!" The onlooker approaches and notices all of the tvs are displaying nothing but white noise on their screens, and all seem to be on mute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skaebo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Our neighbours have two large, fluffy dogs

They look like they could pull a dog sled, but they're very quiet. Never bark.

I think they're Mala-mutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/relevant84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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If a mute kid swears, does his mom wash his hands off with soap?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiggyGrady
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
🚨︎ report

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