I'll come up with a cure for muteness before you can say...anything.
Someone recently asked how being mute was going for me.
What do you call Minecraft on Mute?
First rule of “Mute Club”
Nobody talks about “Mute Club”
A person who cannot see is known as blind, a person who cannot speak is known as mute. So, what do you call a person who cannot hear?
Anything you want to call them, they cannot hear.
Yesterday, I found out I was mute!
I can't tell you how angry this makes me!
I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children
They didn’t even say “Thank you”
Why does Sean Connery watch Two and a Half Men on mute?
Because Charlie should be sheen and not heard.
Did you hear about the blind carpenter?
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
My mute wife keeps talking in her sleep.
Damn near poked my eye out last night!
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
My cousin is mute and likes to communicate via embroidery
I guess it's a version of sign language, sew to speak
What did the mute man say to the bartender?
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....
I’ve never heard him complain
like my mute mother always says...
If a mute kid swears.
Does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Mute jokes?
So I’m a partial mute, and have been for nearly six years now, and try to cope with this through humour, so give me some of your best mute jokes!!
What did the mute baker say?
There was a mute kid in my restaurant
Nothing to brag but when the food came he was speechless
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke 😂
Nothing says 'I'm a mute'...
Quite like...well, nothing.
How does a mute horse communicate?
A wise mute man once said..
Why did the mute mans wife leave him?
They had communication troubles
I'm so pissed off I can barely see straight! I had an argument with this fucking mute and you know what he said to me?
A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.
The friend says "hey, is he yours?"
The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."
His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"
"No. I think he speaks porch geese."
Do you want to know what I think of mute people?
Dad and I were watching the movie Mute when we get to the sex scene...
He looked at me and this is what he said:
"He's just trying to make an Amish woman out of her"
What do you call an Italian with no arms?
What did the mute film critic say to the blind guy?
Your phone has no volume?
Trade it for my Pokémon—it's mute, too!
>!(Mewtwo)!<
What makes a serial killer mime happy?
First post here, i think i could've made it better, tell me what you think.
My husband (who is a dad) dad joked me over text message for the first time today.
Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|
Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.
What do you call an insect born without a mouth?
Prepare for Radiation Poisoning
Question:
Why don't radioactive animals talk?
Answer:
Because they're mute-ated!
I’m sorry didn’t mean to push your buttons.
I was just looking for Mute.
The other day my knee left without saying a word
My wife was madly tapping at her phone, looks up in frustration, and says "My sound isn't working".
To which I reply "I can hear you just fine".
What do you get when you build an ant farm with sound proof glass?
Some times it just gets so noisy and hectic I wish I could turn it all off
Dadjokes in the bathroom
When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"
If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.
Arrr, it's a muteny!
A customer walks into a television shop and witnesses the shopkeeper trapped in a circle of tvs. All the customer can hear is the man whimpering and exclaiming, "I'm sorry, Im sorry; I won't sell any more of you!" The onlooker approaches and notices all of the tvs are displaying nothing but white noise on their screens, and all seem to be on mute.
Our neighbours have two large, fluffy dogs
They look like they could pull a dog sled, but they're very quiet. Never bark.
I think they're Mala-mutes.
If a mute kid swears, does his mom wash his hands off with soap?
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