...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
...... because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal
But not the one’s she’s been giving me lately
'I wish I'd listened to my mother' Why? What did she say? Dunno, I wasn't listening
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
Gandhi: From the bottom of Mahatma
“Why don’t you help me with the laundry? Its whites today.” She said.
“How will that help?” I asked.
“Well I hear whitewashing is good for revising history.”
Dad jokes!
Mum says no baby.
The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.
So I packed my things and right
credit to u/Anon8627, upvote him, please!
So my dad brought her a glass of wine.
Chrysanthemums.
I said "Eh, she's alright I guess."
I was dazed.
Things really boiled over
Mum: looks at dad
Dad: clenches fist and sweats
Mum: No, don-
Dad: HI GAY I'M DAD
I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"
My wife: hey (son's name) I need to sweep the floor, can you please bring me the broom?
My son: OK broomer!
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
I eventually found all three of them sitting on the hearth in front of the fireplace.
My dad, being the joker he is, promptly said "There's nothing I can say. In total, three clips on the hearth."
Your humour is amazing, dads
We could hardly walk.
According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..
Dad: Relax love it's serving lunch.
‘Cos she’s worth it.
Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?
Mum: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Mum: It's to do with bad luck.
Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?
Mum: No. What is it?
Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
Asking if they look like hares from a distance!
Mumbai
...
but I said it was too deer.
Can't say. Mum's the word.
So I went home for the hollandaise
He must’ve been knackered, even his mum couldn’t wake him up
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
I replied “No. it was a K 9”
"2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapse
Mum bye.
Mum, bye.
...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.
