A list of puns related to "Mules"
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase.
They're just half-assed horses
He half-assed everything.
Been Putin them down all night.
He was barely doing any of his work right! What a half-ass!
Whoever it was did a half-assed job!
He did everything half-assed
Does that make it a half ass horse
It's a perfect em-mule-ation.
I was hauling ass
could I call it a Moscow Mitch?
Explanation: A cocktail called a Moscow Mule is served in copper mugs. The mint julep is Kentucky Derby's official drink, and Mitch McConnell is the senator from Kentucky who has blocked legislation to stop Russian interference in US elections, earning him the nickname "Moscow Mitch" among his critics.
Naturally I got pulled over. When the officer asked me "Do you know why I stopped you today?" I replied....
"Because I was hauling ass?"
Carved on to the post was some roman-looking words:
TOTI
EMUL
ESTO
After two hours of analysing the words, he was approached by the farmer that owned the field. "What are you looking at chap?" Said the farmer.
"I'm trying to figure out the meaning of the writing on this post... it looks Roman! This could be a great find!" The archaeologist replied.
"Let me take a look" says the farmer as he analyses the carving.
"It says "To tie mules to" you silly twat".
Credit to Stephen Fry on No Such Thing As A Fish podcast
Edit - Formatting
My wife and I are sitting at the dinner table, talking about our soon-to-be-born baby. She is telling me how much the baby is kicking. I said "The baby is kicking like a donkey - or is it a mule?" My wife agrees.
I say (completely straight-faced) "What is a mule's favorite novel?" My wife is stumped. "Donkey-jote."
She sits there for a couple of seconds, and says "Do me a favor: just save all those kinds of jokes for when the baby is born..."
I'd breed them together and use their children around this time of year to spread some mule-tide cheer.
Merry Christmas (Eve)!
She was a little bitter because I had a cocktail and she can't because she's pregnant. She asked me what it was.
Me: "It's bourbon, ginger beer and lime. It's called a Kentucky Mule."
Her: "Does it taste like ASS?!?!?"
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