Unintentional but morbidly fitting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McSteezeMuffin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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My morbidly obese friend died the other day

The news was heavy on me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoOneLikesJack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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I invited a friend over, but I wasn't expecting him to bring his morbidly obese girlfriend with him.

I was totally flabby guested.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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A morbid dad joke while waiting at the pharmacy

My wife and I were waiting in line at the pharmacy to get her some of the good stuff from behind the counter. When she's sick she can be a little overly dramatic.

Her: "I think I'm dying, do they make anything for that?"

Me: "Funerals"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Osten
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
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A little morbid, but he's my dad.

I came home college to find a life insurance policy with my name on it. I asked my dad why it was for so little, and he relied with, "that's just to cover the booze for the celebration party."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dreamerkid001
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Well, that was morbid...

My wife and I were coming home from the grocery store when we passed a funeral procession coming from the opposite direction. The hearse was just hit by another car at the intersection, to which I said, "Boy, talk about DOA!"

Groans were had and I'll be resuming my shuttling duties shortly, ferrying souls to hell with me.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/defguysezhuh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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My wife told me, β€œ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”

β€œYou’re much bigger than that.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Thought of a good one while at work today (slightly morbid depending on your outlook)

I work in the claims department at a life insurance company. A recent addition to our department mentioned that she had an insured who died from a bowel obstruction. I couldn't help but say: "Sounds like a real shitty way to go..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/three-eyed-crow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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Dads can be a little bit morbid sometimes.

So while my dad was getting the mail he noticed the neighbor's Halloween decorations on their mailbox. The neighbors had strung these little plastic skeletons on top of it. Upon coming inside he said,

"The neighbors have these little human skeletons on their mailbox. Do you think we should put a mouse skeleton from the attic on ours?"

Happy Halloween.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JarJarBanksy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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Unexpected morbid humor from my boss (a dad)

Boss: How was your weekend?

Me: My cat is dying. So I spent Saturday, sitting on the couch, doing work, and trying to figure out what kind of music you play for a dying cat...

Boss: DeathCat for Cutie?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pilly-bilgrim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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I was such a fat baby

That instead of a stork, I was delivered by a crane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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In some countries they bury the dead with a bunch of bananas in hopes that a banana tree will grow.

I find it morbidly appealing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtMooch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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I once dated a girl who was into death metal.

She was a Morbid Angel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holy_mountain_666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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Not your average dad joke...

So, I realize this isn't entirely in the spirit of dad jokes, but I think you all will get a groan or three in the end...

Basically, my dad is the epitome of /r/dadjokes. He is a walking talking dadjoke. So, it was quite the shock to our family when we recently found out that he has stage 4 Cholangiocarcinoma (the Bad Luck Brian of cancers.) and doesn't have much longer to live. Anyhow, his favorite image on the internet is of a dead deer on the side of the road with a "Get well soon" balloon tied to its leg. It cracks him up. Tickles him pink in fact...so, being the morbid family we are, that lead to this...

http://imgur.com/h2cCZQq

He might be dying, but I still call him dad, and he is still quick with a joke. As you can see his sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere. Our family's sense of humor is what gets us all through. I believe my favorite bad joke through all of this was his buddy who said, "Frank, that is the worst spray tan I've ever seen in my life." (You see, the cancer is shutting down his liver and he appears yellow from jaundice.)

I'm not looking for any sympathy here, dad's die all the time. That's a tough fact of life. I just wanted to spread a fine dadjoke.

Thanks for reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billegoat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2015
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My Father-in-Law on his death bed

The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:

Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.

Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?

Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.

It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fericyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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I finally graduated from college so my cynical dad surprised me with a homemade card...(x/post from r/funny) imgur.com/a/4xLXM
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ERICAAAW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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My joke isn't morbid...

It's just obese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manneqyn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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