Money puns
I need a money pun for a title of a speech I’m giving about the history of money. I knew you guys would spark my creativity.
A homeless guy asked me for some money today.
I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill. "Do I really want this money going to drugs?", I thought to myself. "Nah." So I gave him the $20.
when my Dad was unemployed he used to hide money in the bushes in our garden...
He went on to become a successful hedge fund manager.
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
My friend made a lot of money selling viagra
I told him to keep it up!
I once gave a blind man money...
He said he'd pay me when he sees me again
People say that money is not the key to happiness...
But I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Where do fishes keep their money?
Why should you never count your money while standing on an ant hill?
Cause you might finance in your pants
How much money does a fisherman make?
I’m not entirely sure, but I reckon it’s a cuttle of squid.
If you want to make some easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
What do you call a clown who is smart with his money?
What do you get when you put wet money in the freezer?
European women make less money on Only Fans
There just aren't as many men with a meter fetish.
I have to change my roof but don’t have any money
Thankfully, the contractor said it’ll be on the house
Tensions were high, and the dictator started his discourse by saying: "Indeed, I do have sex for money"
That was it, whore had been declared.
Why do bookstores make so much money during an earthquake?
Their books fly off the shelves.
Where do fish keep their money?
I spent a lot of time, money and effort child-proofing my house.
But the kids still get in.
The subject of money
One morning at a bank, a robber pulled out a gun, pointed it at a teller, and said, "Give me all the money or you're geography!"
The puzzled teller asked, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history'?"
The robber replied, "Don't change the subject!"
My son accidentally handed me a dad joke on a platter and it was glorious.
This happened a few years ago when my son was 6ish. When my kids hurt themselves and it doesn’t look serious I always do the “we might have to amputate that bruised hand” shtick with them. I’ve done it enough that they now roll their eyes.
So, my son got hit lightly in the face with a rubber ball. It wasn’t a hard hit and I could tell he was more upset by the shock of it rather than the pain. So I say “looks like we will have to amputate your nose.” To which he replies “then how will I smell?” And I say “terrible!”
It was my greatest dad joke ever. I felt like I could retire after that.
I'd never refuse a stranger's money.
Just sharing that I saved up enough money as a young father to finally buy a Tesla.
The last thing my grandfather told me was "It's worth spending money on good speakers."
That was some sound advice.
How did the cave explorer come up with the money to explore a cavern?
What do you call it when someone agrees with you about money?
Did you guys hear about the gymnast who owed money?
She had an outstanding balance.
Why did Bach have no money?
My cousin gave me a range stove he had and I didn’t even have to pay any money for it. Then I invited my neighbors over for dinner.
I told them I was cooking free range chicken.
Why can't you borrow money from an elf?
Because they're always a little short.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in the upholstery machine?
My wife mentioned that our baby chews everything. I told her that he's really going to cost us money.
He chews through paper, plastic and the other day he Bitcoins.
I heard that a gang based in Los Angeles is creating paper money with pictures of the founder's foot's digits in place of presidents...
I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.
a farmer drove his son into the market and dropped him off with $100. he told his son not to buy anything except for a cow. if he couldn't afford a cow, he should use the money to get a taxi home. the son sent pics to his dad all day of the ones he thought were good until his phone died.
he just got the most expensive one he could afford for $99.99. he asked to use the cow vendors phone to call his dad. the vendor replied "sure, for $5". the kid worked out a deal to send one text with one word for one cent. he sent his dad: "comfortable"
whats my favourite type of money
moknee
twitch chat made me do this
So there was this crusader who asked me to where should he put his money...
I told him, "put it in the Deus V-a-ult of course!"
Where does frosty the snowman keep his money?
Nowhere! He has Snow pockets!
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
Why can't the devil make money off of Youtube?
Because he keeps getting demonetized.
Im building a counterfeit money machine….
I know it sounds crazy now, but I think eventually it will make a lot of cents…
How do you hide money from a hippie?
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