I am like a modern day Zeus....
I am not strong or godlike I am just constantly horny.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
I've decided to switch careers to study modern female rappers.
I think my parents will be so proud when they learn I'm a Cardi-B-ologist.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
The founder of modern study.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
What do you call the ancestors of the modern day scissors?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
What's the modern way to donate to the church?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Did you hear the Journal of Modern Medicine rejected an article about Midol?
The editor said it was not current at all, but more of a period piece!
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
I spat my water
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
What do you call a modern Indian restaurant?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
My cat has opinions about Chinese history. I asked him who their best leader in modern history is:
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
What are your resolution going to be for the new year?
Still on 1080p? or upgraded to 4k already?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Modern problems require modern solutions.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
Modern problems require Indian solutions
π︎ 31
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?
Modern historians call it balderdash.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
There's a new rap artist who combines a modern hip hop sound with 80s retro pop.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 15 2020
I can only imagine the frustration behind the making of modern Looney Tunes shows.
There has to be a lot of Bugs in the programs they use.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...
I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.
π︎ 52
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Ted Talk -Ted Bundy- Unlocking Necrophilia and its implications in modern society.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
Eventually, weβre all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 10 2019
My son said he wanted Modern Warfare for his birthday.
So I told him to try and get on an underground train during rush hour.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 20 2019
While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife,"How do you spell Hawai'i?"
She replied, "You need two iβs."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isnβt it?"
π︎ 160
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call a wolf that has things figured out
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ
If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
What do you call a modern bee from America?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 05 2019
What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music?
Bjorn in the wrong generation.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 07 2019
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you, I have contacts
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
My wife makes art by spending hours painting dots on a canvas to create shapes, she calls it modern art
I think itβs pointillist
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 30 2019
Apparently modern feminism wants nothing to do with guys who are over six feet
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 19 2019
Modern Joke
I want to get my buddy a good present but all I can find is a painting that has a prostitute saying, "1, 2, 3, 4..." and I don't think he'll like it, but my friend said, "It's the thot that counts".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
A Modern Art Masterpiece.
π︎ 140
π
︎ Feb 28 2018
How do you spot a modern spider?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
How do modern Spartans cook fries?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 05 2019
Pennβs mom had three sisters who owned a pie shop...
Their menu was titled βThe Pie Rates of Pennβs Auntsβ.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
Modern grammar Nazis: the alt-write
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 26 2018
What do you call modern Scottish art?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 29 2018
Me telling a historian about modern day doorbells
Me: "Have you heard of modern doorbell chimes?"
Historian: "Doesn't ring a bell"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 22 2018
TIL Older forms of English kept Latinβs gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
Dad jokes are at all all-time high during quarantine times
Analysts say it's the worst pundemic ever recorded in modern history.
π︎ 263
π
︎ May 04 2020
What do you call a Swede that doesn't like modern music?
Bjorn in the wrong generation.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 10 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
