BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...
A pretty easy mistake to make!
I made the mistake of having a beer while doing my calculus homework last night...
I got in trouble for drinking and deriving.
I try to learn from my mistakes,
but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own bum.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
The spelling mistake adze nothing.
Did you know dolphins never make mistakes?
They do everything on porpoise.
A friend of mine made a terrible mistake at work.
When he came in the next day, his face was purple. His co-workers told him he shouldn’t beet himself up.
My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
Made a mistake of asking for a cappuccino in Bali.
I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes.
Then she smiled and hugged me tightly.
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
I think we made a mistake when we started calling childbirth “delivery”.
It should have been called takeout instead.
I learn from the mistakes of people...
....who have taken my advice.
Engineers don't make mistakes...
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.
An architect designed a bridge but he made a massive mistake.
Learn from your parents mistakes....
I packed my tent but there was a mistake
I killed my friend. I thought he was a vampire.
They made a mistake on the statue of Lincoln.
It was a monumental error
Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
What do you call a typo in a magic spell
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captain’s birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, “Arrr! That was a costly mistake...”
“We lost a lot of doubloons.”
I almost made a huge mistake applying to Rice University.
I'm really a meat and potatoes kind of guy.
I asked my dad if he ever learns from his mistakes
"Sure", he said, "I got a vasectomy the day after you were born".
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I put ketchup in my eyes
in heinzsight, it was a very bad mistake
When people misspell barely like barley, they’re not making a mistake
They’re just going against the grain
LPT: If you don't want to buy sandwiches to your co-workers, just buy them with mistakes: Other kind of bread, other size...
What are Astronauts doing when they do a mistake?
A man that makes a mistake in an elevator,
I often make mistakes telling Dad jokes.
One time Chewbacca forgot to release the emergency brake before flying the millennium falcon
I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes
I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year
Putting up the wrong headstone is a grave mistake
Epitaphs never written:
I never thought I'd live to see this day come
Here lies a great photographer, he died from overexposure
She wrote a best selling book
- Paige Turner
Here lies Claire Voyant
She never saw it coming...
Wich dentist makes the most mistakes
I made the mistake of telling my suitcase that we won’t be going anywhere this year because of the pandemic.
I’m having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage ever since.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes...
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes...
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth “delivery”.
It should have been called takeout instead.
Dolphins never make mistakes
Everything they do is on porpoise
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