Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Person 1: Thanks for introducing me to minimalism

Person 2: Its the least I can do

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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What is the minimal force required to defend a graveyard?

A skeleton crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaohRihze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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A collector of Feline pokΓ©mons was brought to the court..

He was charged with attempted robbery. Before giving out the sentence, the judge gave him an opportunity to present his case before the jury.

After his testimony the jury decided to give him minimal punishment, they all understood...

...that he had a lot of meowths to feed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hippity-potato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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My friend: "Tried sending my dad a cool picture, this is his response."
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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With Veteran's Day coming up, I asked my son if he knew why the army was so strict about their uniforms...

He didn't know, so I told him, "It's to minimize casual tees."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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I'm going to be sleeping on the sofa for this...

Wife was trying to feed our new born, and since it was via a C-section, the amount of milk being produced is minimal for the first week. Baby was cranky and some milk spilled and she got upset...

"Don't cry over spilled milk" - I said..

Also, told her I can now post the above to /r/dadjokes because I'm a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duniyadnd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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Healthcare Dad Joke from today

We use these red sliding sheets to help transfer patients from the operating table to their trolley (they're widely used in hospitals and care environments for various patient manual handling tasks). For those who are unfamiliar, it's basically a double layered, frictionless sheet you position under the patient in order (theoretically) to transfer them with minimal force and effort.

One particular colleague hates them, and today ranted:

"I would love to punch the guy who invented these and has probably made millions of pounds and retired"

To which someone immediately responded:

"I bet he's a right slippery character though".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machschau
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmarSB2001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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