A centipede. I’m a dad, can confirm
There would be mass confusion
It always wants to meter.
.. because he was a ruler
Because they program
You could say I'm a pro-grammer.
They are suffering from the agony of de feet.
There will be mass confusion.
Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard
There'd be mass confusion
(Inspiration: https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cy1td0/i_wish_the_usa_would_finally_switch_to_the_metric/eypnk65?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
But there’d be mass confusion.
So many people who are pro gram amongst them.
It is better than all other systems by 1.6 kilometres.
We could never quite get a gig.
Edit: I was aware that it's 1024 Meg to a gig, but "a band called 1023 megabytes" doesn't have the same ring to it. Also doesn't getting the IT wrong make it more dad like?
It’s the Imperial we.
Korn - Follow the Litre
They're in love with feet.
Because they kilogram.
...then why do they call it an Enchilada?
An andrometer
No more foreign rulers!
If the metric system is so smart then why are all of the scientific breakthroughs measured in milestones
Must be some kind of milestone…
...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.
Kilometery Cyrus
I've always preferred the 100m to the 200m
Her: I will be there shortly.
Me: Wh..haha..when are you not anywhere SHORTLY?
Her: ...
30 seconds later, talking about our son..
Her: Apparently, I forgot about his bottle.
Me: Isn't everything we do "apparently" now that we're parents?
Her: You're a dumbass...See you when I get home, love you.
Me: ..Shortly, right?
Her: (click)
I understand my field to a degree
https://imgur.com/a/86LSZ
A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.
This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.
Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<
Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<
Me: You got the goods?
Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.
Me: My, what a steel!
Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?
Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.
Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?
Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--
Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?
Student: I got I got I got I got...
Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.
Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.
Me: Which other places?
Friend: The Galactic Empire.
Guy: I hate spam.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
Me: I like sushi.
...
Someone: Son of a gun...
Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!
Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:
Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.
Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.
Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.
Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.
Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.
Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".
A Spain-yard
I wonder if he's a fan of his predecessor, TwoFac Secure?
https://imgur.com/7N9cd2V
She only has two feet.
It was 50 degrees in the house this morning (10, if you're into metric). The HVAC guy made an emergency visit and fixed it up. It's well below freezing outside, so it was a legitimate emergency.
I told my wife, "I think you pay too much for school. We just got twenty degrees for seven hundred dollars!"
... and the band Metric is on the radio and my dad says "did you know they used to known as 'Imperial'?"
Took me a moment to get it
Because most of them have a foot fetish.
