Did you hear about the troublesome loft conversion?

It was a problematic.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m00omi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Math Conversions

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Credit to my economics professor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_kleco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Local conversion rates apply
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrtschndr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Such a pointless conversation.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/david_pridson
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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A real conversation I had with my dad.

Dad: Did you hear about the guy stealing tires off police cruisers?

Me: No, that's crazy!

Dad: Apparently the police are working tirelessly to catch the guy.

Me: ...I hate you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaurensYoutube
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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How do homes strike up a conversation?

"So house life?"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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A good way to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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A conversation with my wife

Her, handing me a pillow: "Can you take this please?" Me: "Sure, but that's a pillow, not a please."

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webbwbb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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A conversation between my brother and dad

(Context: we are deciding what shirts to wear for family pictures)

Brother: I have a blue dress shirt, but it’s a little over the top

Dad: Don’t all shirts go over the top?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groovymydudes
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Two guys are having a conversation about their friends who speak Spanish.

The first guy says, β€œI like to say β€˜mucho’ to my Spanish friends as much as I can.” The second guy asks, β€œWhy would you say that?” The first guy replies, β€œ Because I know it means a lot to them.”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongdan69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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My friend and I were having a conversation on a hot summer day but when the A/C broke…

our conversation turned into a heated conversation

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tf1-f1
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Real conversation with my 4-yr-old

My wife and I had just finished watching the Chipmunks movie with our 4-year-old son. This conversation soon followed:

Son: Is Feeadore real? Wife: No, he's not real, sweetheart. Son: Are there real chickmunks? Wife: Yes, there are. Son: Have you ever seen chickmunks? Wife: I sure have. Me: They're usually called nuns, though.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlberttheDodge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
This breadiculous conversation reddit.com/gallery/m97sim
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrumpetSamurai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation with work friends

We’re sitting in the chill out area at work and there’s an old Metallica guitar Tab book near us.

One of the girls says β€œThat book smells like the 90’s”.

A guy laughs and says β€œWhat does the 90’s smell like?”

I say β€œTeen Spirit!”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r1pen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
A conversation I had with my stepkids

8-year-old: "Dad, did you know that Humpty Dumpty and Puss in Boots are brothers?"

me: "You know being Humpty Dumpty's brother is not all it's cracked up to be?"

everyone: silence

me: "Give me a break, I am new to this dad joke thing."

teenager: Cracks up

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/withouta3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...

I didn't expect it but he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get out of a conversation with the Easter Bunny?

Well. You don’t want to egg him on; he’s a real basket case. Hop out of there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcvista69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Mt. Rushmore rocks!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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The wife accused me of always dropping random Elvis lyrics in our conversations.

Her suspicious mind left me all shook up

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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A real conversation I had last night

Her: β€œIs it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?” (My erectile dysfunction)

Me: β€œY’know, normally yeah it is, but with you it’s nothing hard at all...”

Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Choopzilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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A touching conversation
πŸ‘︎ 891
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Why do poultry birds always smell so bad?

Because of their fowl odour.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sadhgun
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Godzilla had Diarrhea?

It was all over the town.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bootlebat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Just a regular conversation
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jluke223
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

πŸ‘︎ 460
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Daughter (complaining): :Daaaad, that's boring!" Son (overhearing end of conversation): "What's boring?"

Me (to son): digging holes in the ground.

mum: snigger

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I met a midget once, our conversation was very awkward...

I’m not very good at small talk.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Conversations about mythical creatures can sometimes drag on
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Conversation regarding YouTuber Therapist "Dr Honda" I had with my girlfriend
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-L-Picard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I'm opening a chain of Elvis themed steak restaurants...

It will be for people who love meat tender.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A conversation with my 11 year old this morning...

Son: Dad, there's a hole in your t-shirt. Me: I know, it's my religious t-shirt. Son: gives me a blank look Me: It's holy!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthCoffeeBean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I just had a text conversation with my daughter...

She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.

Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.

Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.

Daughter: You're an idiot.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.

First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A conversation with Dracula

me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmypornaccount9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why owls are so smart?

knOWLedge

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darmstadtium110
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?

Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strungen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A real conversation between my brother and his wife + me

Brother: Babe, we need to eat all the pears, they’re going to go bad soon.

SIL: but I don’t like pears, you can eat the rest of them...

Brother: I don’t think I can eat the rest of them by myself though...

Me, from another part of the room: well you better pre-pear yourself!

*ugly laughs from the couch

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/easolo23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
An eggstra special conversation
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyMan_Man
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
So I had this conversation with a friend just now
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atairy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a conversation with a ghost once

But I knew it was lying because I could see right thourgh it

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombiehunter201
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

πŸ‘︎ 596
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't people like having conversations with the ocean?

Because it's always salty!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phantombrowser405
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I can never have a good conversation about wrenches with anyone...

I guess there just isn’t that much to torque about.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I borrowed materials from my friend years ago who is a chain link enthusiast. During a heated conversation, I exclaimed that wood is superior...

I didn't expect it but he took a fence.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report

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