The metal detector beeped when the guard was checking me. He asked me if I had any metallic stuff with me, I said: just beeped because my Shirt is Ironed.

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👤︎ u/hanrattyyy
📅︎ Sep 12 2019
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I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....

I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road

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👤︎ u/Vanpaa
📅︎ Sep 23 2019
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What do you call a rich detective?

A metal detector!

^Sorry ^if ^someone's ^made ^this ^before, ^I ^haven't ^seen ^it

👍︎ 4
📅︎ Dec 04 2019
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The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?


The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

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👤︎ u/Rentz3
📅︎ Mar 21 2014
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"Sir..." [OC]

So I was at the 9/11 Memorial in NYC with my dad visiting for the first time. We were waiting in line to walk through the metal detectors, start to take the metal out of our pockets etc etc, and all of a sudden we hear the lady letting people through say to some guy already going through a detector with his jacket on (which wasn't supposed to be on) yell quite prodominately "Sir, jacket off!"

Dad promptly teared up and died of laughter.

👍︎ 5
📅︎ Apr 26 2014
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