Every time a basketball falls from more than 5 meters high in your presence, you right hand 4th finger metacarpus bone, grows by β…™ of an inch.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viteygamer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Can someone tell me which bone this is. It's from a whitetail deer limb, I'm pretty sure it's the metatarsus or metacarpus but I'm not certain. TIA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roadsidebones
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I possess a desire to fondle your metacarpus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faulisdead14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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As Requested: NFL QB Metacarpus to Height Ratios. Proper small lads with big boy grasps.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TjStax
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Bravest kitty paps a big metacarpus. v.redd.it/r6k7mok9nue31
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a hole?

Phil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rumblebully
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?

Sudden Lee

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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I'd ruther not say
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Rational
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mainhoonmadrasi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.

Well, toucan play at that game.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayan-ali
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moplex1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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My 3 yr old daughter made her first pun today and I almost cried. She was eating an apple and I asked her if she liked apples.

She said apple-lutely

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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"ground" the kid
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakynit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tieyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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Proud dad moment.

Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.

I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.

When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."

From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"

Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.

Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaBarbaGuapa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Apologies if it's a bit corn-y
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediashiznaks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Gottemm
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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so many choices
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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He knows too much
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato_salad123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonPetreasCoach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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where do pirates get their hooks?

second hand stores!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigus-_-dickus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?

Old Neeeeiiiiighvy

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motherduck5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Rock bottom
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theo19555
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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I never really understood why it was spelled: camouflage

and not:

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

It’s for Hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monolocomotive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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Hot
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexxFruit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Saw this on insta @PunHubOnline
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haidi7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Had a good chuckle
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleBigOwl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unholy_Jer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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