Me: well; someone has to pay the devil’s dues
Friend: damn it.
When they found out, I was dismembered.
A poliDISHan
Now they’re sending me threatening letters.
But today I finally remembered.
At work, I had to take off and re-seat the tire on the front wheel of my bicycle. I took the wheel up to my cube to do it. As I was taking it, I passed someone in the stairwell. My dad joke was, “I’m tired.”
LAME!! Should’ve said “I’m retiring. Wish me luck!”
Shameful.
Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.
I'd likely subscribe to it one time and realize it is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Sore-y
We just weren't "working out."
Things weren’t working out.
Everytime the cashier asks if I have one I reply that it expired!
...deranged.
Today I found this one.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the positive responses. Here are some more notes from her. Thank you reddit, for making my girlfriend famous for a day, she quite enjoyed your comments after a hard day's work :)
I'm going to cancel my membership on this low stakes UK gambling website.
Goto Sam's Club. There's cement walls, years worth of food and tons of supplies. Plus zombies can't get in without a membership.
I guess it's cheaper than a gym membership.
Local gym, we're on the treadmills close to the doors. A group of Mexican descendants walk out the doors, this is a 24 hr gym after normal business hours. Wife: I wonder if all of them have memberships Me: No, just Juan..... Wife: ..... :/ I swear I'm not racist.
Friend: My gym membership feels like such a waist atm
Me: Do you not think it's hip to go to the gym any more?
Friend: I think I ain't got time with a new born
Me: Can you not stomach it?
Friend: Well I got to do school runs and that fir the time being and K in the morning and Liam in the afternoon then home dinner putting kids down time is just gone
Me: Yeah, I've got a gut feeling you won't be working out as much as you used to anymore
This one was about two years ago, but it was one of my favorite memories of work due to the reaction it got. There's a little bit of a setup/backstory for this.
I landed a job at the local Sam's Club before it opened, so I, along with the other associates, was to attend a credit training event at a very nice bank in town.
There were probably 30 or 40 in the class and most of us knew each other pretty well because we had spent the past few weeks 'blitzing,' or selling Sam's Club memberships at Walmarts in the area.
Anyway, the credit guy (his name fails me) was giving a powerpoint presentation on the ins and outs of the Sam's credit accounts. At one point, he said that for pre-approved members, a piece of paper called a 'chit' will print out. There were a few chuckles and he smiled and said "yeah, I know," and carried on.
Then I raised my hand.
He called on me, and I began: "So if a church with a business membership is pre-approved, who's responsible for applying? A church accountant or one of the clergy or something?"
"Yes, whoever owns the account itself."
"Would that be considered a 'holy chit?'"
The class erupted in laughter and one associate even left the room because she was laughing so hard. I saw one of the managers in class with us had his head buried in his arms laughing to the point of tears.
Probably my finest moment.
Girlfriends uncle was talking about a gym membership and goes yea I don't think I'll get one. Because I'll never get back to my original weight of 6 pounds 2 ounces.
I recently bought a new vehicle, and signed up for the 3 month Sirius radio trial that comes with it.
My dad gets home from work and immediately comes upstairs and gives me the letter from Sirius radio to renew membership.
As he hands it to me he says: "Here's your letter from Sirius in case you decide to get serious about Sirius.
Been waiting all day to say that..."
I just smiled and shook my head.
I work as a front desk associate for a major hotel chain that has a rewards program, but the guest checking in, a Mr. Zingone, didn't have it on his reservation. I tried searching for it several different ways, just the surname "Zingone," just his phone number, but ultimately could not find his account information.
So I told him, "Well, you may have had a membership, but it looks like it's... Zin-gone..."
He told me no more humor, just get me to my room. I think he was just as impressed, however.
but the membership was full.
Last night we (my wife, the two oldest, and myself) were making sandwiches. My son asked for the mayo. I told him we were out. He yelled "well tartar sauce," the expletive from Spongebob.
I handed him the tartar sauce, told him it'd taste weird on bologna, and giggled.
Does this qualify me for membership?
The headline on our local paper yesterday said, "Giving the gift of guns." My husband stared at it for a second, then said, "I guess a lot of people want gym memberships for Christmas."
I said, "Lady, we just met!"
Luckily, she had a great sense of humor. She was referring to, of course, a phone number for a rewards member look-up, but Hannaford Supermarkets does not have a membership card anymore; it was too easy, I had to tease her!
