Me: And Gary?
Wife (rolling her eyes, walking away): tell these jokes to your son.
Reference: Matt & Gary from Australian MasterChef.
Warren
Matt
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes!
Beautiful pun artistés, I need a punny name for a laundry mat/arcade. Think Galicia, Think tide pods, think Donkey Kong, think Dig Dug, think quarters!
Prophets are going through the roof.
Pyramids
He was tired of being a doormat(t)
He looked at me all confused "what?"
I replied "because that was not cool"
I waited years for the one chance to use that gag. Totally worth it.
I feel on top of the world
It was a toxic work environment
Nobody Knows
Guess my son's name..
She teaches the Pilates Of The Caribbean
But it's still the same baby.
“Enter Sandman”
It's 3am. Rain lashes down, wind howls fiercely. Lightning periodically illuminates the countryside. A ramshackle house stands alone in a field, the only sign of human habitation for miles around.
Lancelot furiously bangs on the door of the decrepit hovel. "Awaken! I am in need of assistance in the name of king and country!"
An elderly man sleepily opens the door.
"Good sir, I have been riding at full gallop for hours with an urgent message for King Arthur. My valiant steed has collapsed with exhaustion from under me. I must take your horse to further my ride. You will be compensated, but time is of the essence!"
The old man says, "I am a poor and humble peasant, unable to afford a horse. I live here alone, but for the company of my lifelong companion Toby." He gestures towards the low embers barely glowing in the fireplace, and Lancelot sees an enormous English sheepdog, wheezing fitfully in its sleep. Even a cursory glance is enough to see that Toby has had a long and not particularly easy life. What hair is left around the mange is matted. He stinks. He is asthmatic.
Lancelot does not hesitate for an instant. "That beast must carry me far enough to get to the next dwelling. I know not whether he will survive the ordeal, but I have no choice."
The old man recoils in horror. "In faith, you must jest... I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this!"
Cause I don't wanna lie
Toot and Come In.
Doesn't matter what you call him; He ain't gonna come.
Mike
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
I couldn't stand to work without it.
It was dreadful.
So far the prophets are soaring.
Carpet Diem
Russell
Prophets are going through the roof.
Prophets are going through the roof.
The prophets were through the roof!
Prophets are going through the roof!
