Remember Matt Damon?

I met a stranger oβ€Œβ€Œn tβ€Œβ€Œhe tβ€Œβ€Œube tβ€Œβ€Œhe oβ€Œβ€Œther dβ€Œβ€Œay. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he sβ€Œβ€Œaid, "β€Œβ€ŒRemember Matt Damon".

That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".

But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy tβ€Œβ€Œapped oβ€Œβ€Œn mβ€Œβ€Œy bedroom wβ€Œβ€Œindow, aβ€Œβ€Œt 1β€Œβ€Œ1.30 pm last nβ€Œβ€Œight. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "β€Œβ€ŒRemember Matt Damon."

My conversation with the police then went like this:

Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.

Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?

Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.

He sometimes wishes he’d never been Bourne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I hear Matt Damon is making a new movie in Sweden about a CIA agent who can't remember the past...

The BjΓΆrn Identity is promising to be a good flick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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I ran into actor Matt Damon and told him I loved his recent spy thriller film. He got real mad and said:

I wasn’t Bourne yesterday, you know.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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My friend does the same two impressions in every party. He is either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman.

Maybe he’s Bourne with it. Maybe he’s Wolverine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What did they call the movie where Matt Damon looks for thrift store treasures?

Goodwill Hunting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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In a recent interview, Matt Damon admitted that he hates one of his most popular movie characters.

He wishes he’d never been Bourne.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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What do you call a flying Matt Damon?

Jason Airbourne

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhmadRK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I saw Matt Damon looking for a thrift shop the other day.

He was Goodwill hunting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themanwithahorse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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A punny conversation using every title from Matt Damon's filmography. stopdropro.wordpress.com/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RJayaraman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
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Did you hear about the thrift store in Boston....

... that's been plagued with unexpected phenomenon and ghost sightings recently? Well, Matt Damon has decided he wants to make a movie out of the story.

It's going to be called Goodwill Haunting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackrabbits1im
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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I think my brother is ready for kids.

"Everyone's freaking out that Matt Damon is bourne again, who cares what his religion is. He's just an actor."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakesOfMilk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Book vs the Movie

My daughter read the book "The Talented Mr. Ripley" in her English class. Then we watched the movie starring Matt Damon and Jude Law (who plays Dickie). My daughter kept telling me what's different in the movie compared to the book..like Dickie is a painter not a musician, etc. After she telling me a bunch of differences, I asked "In the book, does Jude Law play Dickie?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewhiskey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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Going to the Movies

Mom: "We're going to see Elysium with Matt Damon."

Dad: "Wow, Matt Damon is coming with us?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saxophon3_hero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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Matt Damon is severely depressed because he keeps getting typecast as an action hero.

He wishes he was never Bourne.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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