Wife (madly tapping at phone): my sound is not working

Me (a seasoned dad): I can hear you just fine

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing β€œI’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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My wife got really mad when I told her she had no sense of direction

She packed up her bags and right.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He’ll come around eventually.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkIsThicc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retroman_86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds.....

Because they don't know the words?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad

'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishblackfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Was Spartacus mad because the Lion ate his wife?

No. He was gladiator.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me when I spilled wine on the window

It was stained glass

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtomicWaffle-117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My Christian wife got mad at me because adultery is a sin

But by god did I love thy neighbor

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Purple_ferret1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.

it was my disclaimer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.

He was beside himself with excitement.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
March Madness from my 3 year old

How did you know the basketball game was in trouble?

Because it was in timeout!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dtfan53
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife’s mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers

I honestly didn’t even know she sold flowers

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawpaw69420
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Mad house
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaryOverMatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Why was the cow mad at the bull

Cause they have beef

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forgotten_Orokin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Well I mean I would be mad...
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxDr-Beckyxx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my dog neutered, and he’s real mad at me but...

He didn’t have the balls to fight me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broisback32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Somewhere a cat is mad at me
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

It's not like I did something

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sash_Mystq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Hook is mad
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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The creator of Mad Libs passed away

His friends described him as a round and pulpy man who loved his wife and penguins. He will be deeply pooped.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imnotarobot12764
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.

I mean well.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaulFromTheParty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't be mad at lazy people

They didn't do anything

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
When people get mad about me playing League of Legends I just

LOL.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squarezloader
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!

Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(


[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when all the cows the dairy farm go mad?

Udder Chaos

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwaldrip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate who's mad because he can't pee?

irate

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad after I tried to convince her that she'd agreed to let me buy a neon sign.

I guess she doesn't like gas lighting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iron__giant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was so mad when Walmart ran out of figurines for the Nativity

Now I have to attend manger management

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an asian friend who's constantly mad

His name is Fu Ming.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danieboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't be mad, be hoppy!
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WashingYoda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the sniper's girlfriend mad at him?

Because he never misses her.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarmale255
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a thesaurus but when I opened it all the pages were blank

I had no words to describe how angry I was

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simszter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the skeleton mad at the grave robber?

Because of all the skulduggery

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSunDowner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man

He ended up coming to his senses

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-AJ27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was madly tapping at her phone, looks up in frustration, and says "My sound isn't working".

To which I reply "I can hear you just fine".

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
A flat earther was debating me and got so mad he said "I will walk off the edge of the earth to prove you wrong!!"

He'll come around eventually

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife’s really mad at the fact I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vancity1985
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiwiboy0419
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction,

So I packed up my stuff and right!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krayola-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad because I never buy her flowers.

I didn’t even know she sold flowers!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.

You could say I went over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was mad I had a bad sense of direction...

...so I packed up and right!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife is really mad because I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathto2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction."

"So I packed up my stuff and right!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is really mad at the fact i have no sence of direction,

So i packed up my stuff and right

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shamudawhale51
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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