Wife (madly tapping at phone): my sound is not working
Me (a seasoned dad): I can hear you just fine
My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
My wife got really mad when I told her she had no sense of direction
She packed up her bags and right.
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds.....
Because they don't know the words?
I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad
'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'
Was Spartacus mad because the Lion ate his wife?
My wife got mad at me when I spilled wine on the window
My Christian wife got mad at me because adultery is a sin
But by god did I love thy neighbor
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
The mad scientist awoke, thrilled to see his clone right next to him.
He was beside himself with excitement.
March Madness from my 3 year old
How did you know the basketball game was in trouble?
Because it was in timeout!
My wife’s mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers
I honestly didn’t even know she sold flowers
Why was the cow mad at the bull
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
Well I mean I would be mad...
I got my dog neutered, and he’s real mad at me but...
He didn’t have the balls to fight me
Somewhere a cat is mad at me
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
It's not like I did something
Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
The creator of Mad Libs passed away
His friends described him as a round and pulpy man who loved his wife and penguins. He will be deeply pooped.
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
Don't be mad at lazy people
When people get mad about me playing League of Legends I just
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
What do you call it when all the cows the dairy farm go mad?
What do you call a pirate who's mad because he can't pee?
My wife got mad after I tried to convince her that she'd agreed to let me buy a neon sign.
I guess she doesn't like gas lighting.
I was so mad when Walmart ran out of figurines for the Nativity
Now I have to attend manger management
I have an asian friend who's constantly mad
Why was the sniper's girlfriend mad at him?
Because he never misses her.
I bought a thesaurus but when I opened it all the pages were blank
I had no words to describe how angry I was
Why was the skeleton mad at the grave robber?
Because of all the skulduggery
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man
He ended up coming to his senses
My wife was madly tapping at her phone, looks up in frustration, and says "My sound isn't working".
To which I reply "I can hear you just fine".
A flat earther was debating me and got so mad he said "I will walk off the edge of the earth to prove you wrong!!"
He'll come around eventually
My wife’s really mad at the fact I have no sense of direction
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction,
So I packed up my stuff and right!
My wife is mad because I never buy her flowers.
I didn’t even know she sold flowers!
I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.
You could say I went over the edge.
My wife was mad I had a bad sense of direction...
...so I packed up and right!
My wife is really mad because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction."
"So I packed up my stuff and right!"
My wife is really mad at the fact i have no sence of direction,
So i packed up my stuff and right
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