Lumpy Puns

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

Beethoven's Last Movement

He wanted it throne out

"Ain't those lumpy farts the shits?"

This is my favorite joke my dad told me. He passed away 11 years ago. When we were cleaning out his stuff, I found a blank book where he had written a bunch of dumb one-liners and favorite quotes. I photocopied them, cut them apart, and gave my sisters each an envelope full of dad's wisdom. I wish I could have seen their faces when they pulled this one out!

My sister gave me one of his old cowboy hats this week, so I've been wearing it a lot and thinking of him. Hope y'all got a chuckle out of this one.

Every single time for 25 years:

Me: "Hey Dad, I have a question."

Dad: "Who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver?"

Yesterday...

Coworker: "Hey, I have a question?"

Me: "Who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver?"

The circle of life... The answer is Frank Bank if anyone is curious :)

"Why is an elephant big grey and lumpy?"

"Because if it was small, round and white it would be an aspirin."

Mild titters, interrupted by:

"Why is an aspirin small, round and white?"

"To stop you from taking an elephant for a headache!"

Cue groaning.

Me: You want a blueberry smoothie?

Dad: I think it'd be more of a blueberry lumpy.

Me: shakes head